Manifestations of Grace

Peter had followed Jesus at a distance and had gone into the high priest’s courtyard. He hasn’t abandoned Jesus altogether, but he isn’t present to come to his defense either. Matthew records that he was there, among the servants of the high priest, to see the end. Just how, exactly, is all this going to play out must have been the thought motivating Peter to follow. He was probably hoping beyond hope that somehow, in some inconceivable way, Jesus would be threatened, punished, and released. How could it be any other way? After all, Jesus is the Messiah! Surely nothing of any major consequence could possibly happen to Him.

But things begin to happen that Peter was not expecting. He was probably sitting there, warming himself by the fire, straining to hear what was being said, and to see what was being done. He was there, after all, with a purpose: to see the end. But as he sits there, listening and watching, someone walks up to him. His concentration is shattered. His intent stare is interrupted.

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, "You also were with Jesus of Galilee." But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are saying." And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth." But again he denied with an oath, "I do not know the Man!" And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, "Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you."

Then he began to curse and swear, saying,
"I do not know the Man!"
(Matthew 26:69–74a)

The intensity of Peter straining to hear and see probably had him almost mesmerized. He had perhaps become almost oblivious to what was happening around him until he hears the voice of a servant girl. It shatters his tunnel-vision. It crashes his concentration. Perhaps he sat in stunned silence for a few moments before responding. But when he did respond it was not a pretty sight. He denied the allegation and blurted out, “I do not know what you are saying.”

He then gets up and moves to a different location. He is probably just simply trying to get to a place where it is less likely that he will be recognized. He moves out to the gateway leading into the garden, where he is met with another servant girl who identifies him as one who had been with Jesus. Peter again denies the statement, and to make his assertion a little more believable, he makes this denial with an oath. An oath would carry the ring of authority.

Peter still seems to be unaware of the seriousness of his denials. The words of Jesus earlier in the evening seem to have been forgotten. He is still in the courtyard of the high priest, and the third accusation is about to be brought against him. This time some others identified him as having been with Jesus because his speech gave him away. This leads to Peter’s third and final denial. It may have been out of his desperation to get his point across, or it may have been out of his frustration with these who were identifying him as having been with Jesus, but this time Peter curses and swears that he does not know Jesus.

Maybe the word “man” was still coming from Peter’s mouth. Perhaps the reverberation of the loud shout was still echoing around the courtyard. Luke’s record says that the rooster crowed while Peter was still speaking. And Luke adds an even more serious note to the third crow of the rooster.

But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are saying!" Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "Before the roosted crows, you will deny Me three times." So Peter went out and wept bitterly.
(Luke 22:60–62)

Jesus turned and looked directly at Peter. All this time Peter has been straining to see and hear. He has probably been moving from one position to another, trying to find a spot where his line of sight would be unhindered. He wants to see it all; to hear it all. But now, all he hears is a rooster’s crow echoing through his ears. All he sees is the steely stare of the Lord, looking deeply into the depths of his soul as he has just shouted his third and final denial with swearing and cursing. If he could have just disappeared Peter probably would have done so.

That stare of the Lord must have stayed with him. Every time he closed his eyes, he probably saw those eyes. In a state of deep regret and remorse Peter went out from the courtyard of the high priest and wept. Bitterly. Uncontrollably. Unconsolably. Crushed from without by those piercing eyes of the Lord. Crushed from within by those memories that now haunted him.