His Morning Sun

My body didn’t work, but my brain did. I had nothing but time to think.

I saw my life. I remembered everything my grandmother had taught me, as well as everything I learned in Sunday school. I knew what I had read in the book that I had finished the night Steve came home strung out. I began daily to sit and seek God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I knew there had to be a way to reach Him.

I realized that the problem was with me, and not Him. I couldn’t see to read, so I had to find my way to Him by talking in my mind, praying, and reaching. It said in the Bible that if you seek Him with all your heart you will find Him. I had tried everything I thought there was. I had turned my back on God at fourteen, and look where I was. I had nothing to lose.

I remembered the woman in the Bible who said, “If I can just touch the hem of His garment.” I prayed, self-talked and reached every day until, one day, He reached back and changed my life forever.

I was on the bed in the back of the bus, praying and reaching for God, declaring myself into His presence. Absolutely every fiber of my being was reaching for Him.

Suddenly, the most incredible light filled the entirety of my being. It didn’t come from an outside source, but it was like the most beautiful sunrise or sunset I’d ever seen, only multiplied a thousand times and with indescribable color. A peace fell over me that I can only describe as the peace that passes all understanding, and I was filled with silence. I could not hear any outside noise and the internal brain chatter that generally plagued me disappeared. There was sweet silence all around. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that God was touching me. My entire being was totally consumed in this warm, peaceful, quiet glow, and the whole world stood still for possibly twenty minutes.

Then the light began to gently fade, and surrounding sounds began to return. The peace became excitement as I spoke for the first time in two years. My speech was slow at first but clear. Speaking, however, was just the beginning of what would happen over the next seven months. God would completely restore my health and lead me to the things I needed in order to stay healthy.

I had run out of money a long time prior, and the doctors had stopped seeing me. There was nothing they could do medically at that point anyway.

They said there was no cure for the multiple sclerosis and that it was a progressive disease. Their only advice was, "Get used to it. If you live at all, you will never leave that chair. "

I had wanted to die, and then I found my way through the veil in my own mind and touched the hem of His garment. Now, all I wanted to do every day was get back to that place and that light. I didn't fully understand what had happened, but I knew it was God, and that was all that mattered. I would learn so much daily over the next six years while sequestered with God. I would learn and grow way beyond that in the fifteen years that would follow the first six. Miracles began to happen daily. I don't remember the order of events; I just remember what took place.