Diary of a Yellow Sheep
A Memoir of Trauma, Truth, and The Shepherd’s Healing
by
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I used to skip over the genealogies in Scripture. All those names, all those lineages. If you have ever read or listened to biblical scriptures that include extensive lists of names, you might have noticed phrases such as "the son of... who bore this son... who bore that person," and so on. These genealogies serve an important purpose by emphasizing family lineage and connections, which can help us understand cultural and historical contexts. Research supports the idea that many traits, skills, and characteristics can be inherited from one generation to the next, highlighting the significance of our family backgrounds and the potential impact they have on who we become. In the family trees of Jesus found in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, we see an unexpected mix of people, each playing a unique role in His lineage. What is interesting is that many of these individuals were not rich or royalty, and they were not perfect either. Like Rahab, for example. She is often referred to as a prostitute, yet she is celebrated for her bravery and strong faith. And then there is Ruth, a Moabite woman who displayed incredible loyalty and became the great-grandmother of King David. It is an encouraging reminder that everyone's story matters, regardless of their background. The list also features several kings and rulers who had troubled pasts, such as Uzziah, who struggled with pride, and Manasseh, known for his idolatry and sinful reign. Their inclusion in Jesus' genealogy highlights the theme of redemption and the idea that God's grace extends to all people, regardless of their past or social status. Through this lineage, a powerful narrative unfolds, illustrating that God can work through imperfect individuals to fulfill His divine plans. The ancient Israelites placed great importance on genealogies as records of their biblical family trees, reflecting their faith as intended by God. These records inspired them to carry on the mission of their forefathers, working for the Lord, overcoming challenges, and paving the way for future generations. "I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." — Genesis 12:3 ESV I was surprised to discover that this sacred book was created to convey an inspiring story, the incredible tale of creation, revealing how the world came to be and the purpose behind it. Its scriptures serve as both a powerful cautionary tale and a source of guiding wisdom on how to navigate our earthly journey with purpose and intent. The Holy Bible offers a valuable perspective on how God uses families to accomplish His purposes. By examining the stories of our ancestors across generations, we may begin to see how God has worked through our lineages to fulfill destinies, impart wisdom, and offer the promise of freedom from our struggles. He knows each of us by name and understands our unique purposes. This is why genealogies matter for everyone — God's blessings are personal, and His focus on individuals reminds us that He sees each one of us and the purposeful role we play in His creation. I understand that tracing family history can be difficult for many of us, especially when there have been premature deaths, adoptions, or other gaps in the record. I don't believe we need to uncover every detail of our past to fully embrace who we are in Him. But having some background can help us identify patterns that may be holding us back from experiencing true freedom of mind. Ultimately, it is God who defines the true self. Prayer has proven to be one of the most powerful tools in that process. The hidden things that surfaced, the buried family history that came to light, the healing that followed places that had been locked for years — none of that came through searching alone. It came through asking God to reveal what only He could see. Though the journey can be painful at times, it is also deeply beautiful. "But there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and he has made known to King Nebuchadnezzar what will be in the latter days. Your dream and the visions of your head as you lay in bed are these." — Daniel 2:28-29 ESV This is where things start to get personal. I was thirty-four years old when my eighteen-year-old daughter told me she was pregnant. The news didn't just shock me, it unraveled me. Because I knew this story. I had lived this story. And somewhere deep in the years between my own childhood and the moment I became her mother, I had made a silent promise to myself that she never would. Her pregnancy held up a mirror I wasn't prepared to see the image in. And what I saw looking back at me was a long list of things I had done wrong, choices I had made, patterns I had repeated, moments I could not take back. The guilt came first. Then the shame. And then something darker settled in, a feeling that I did not want to be here anymore. It was not the first time that feeling had visited me. It had come before, in other seasons of pain, and I had survived it. But this time was different. This time it was heavier than it had ever been, and I knew that I could not get through it the same way I had before. I walked into a therapist's office for the first time in 2015 knowing that my life depended on it.
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About the Book
Bright Little Sheep You were not made to follow, not made to blend, to move when the flock moves, to stop when they end, to graze in the fences and call it your fate, to live a small life behind somebody's gate. The black sheep gets spoken of low, at the table, a name kept in whispers, a wound and a fable— the one who won't fit, who was never quite right, cast out for the difference, sent off from the light. The white sheep grows lost in the press of the same, the black sheep grows tired worn down by the blame, but the yellow sheep shines like the sun overhead— never forsaken, but loved, and set apart instead. Not rejected, not hidden, not lost in the crowd, not silenced to whisper what once rang too loud— you were never the black, or the white, or the wrong, you were yellow all along, and your color was strong. Don't run for the white, and don't carry the shame of a stain that was placed there, but never your name. Look back at the pasture, see where you were led— you were never alone; you had simply not read the sign in the wool, that the Shepherd had known, the color He gave you before you were grown. Neither did I, till I looked back and saw the blood that He gave me, the gentlest law— it washes, it covers, it leaves but one trace, the yellow-gold mark of His mercy and grace. So find it, that color, still woven in deep— you are not a black sheep, you are not asleep. Shine bright, little sheep, you are loved, you are known, you were never meant to blend—you were always your own.
About the Author
Lou René is a daughter of the King, a mother, a grandmother, and a registered nurse—an ordinary woman who wants everybody to know the extraordinary Word of God. This is her first book.