Sleep: Body and Soul

Case #6
The 42-year-old faithful husband watches the clock tick away while lying next to his beautiful wife; he is disappointed, frustrated, confused, and very awake.
It’s not uncommon to find sleeplessness centered around discord in personal relationships. Relationships include those with family, coworkers, next-door neighbors, but especially with spouses. Spousal conflict brings non-physical danger (stress) right into our bed, where we hope to sleep.
The question to consider during inter-personal stress is what sin of mine is contributing? The question is not “if” I contribute sin, but “what” sin am I contributing to the dysfunction. Is there forgiveness required, is a request for forgiveness required, or is more godly communication required? Many of these issues are the work of good biblical counseling.
This brings us to marriage, the most personal and unique of all human-to-human relationships. God intends to take two distinctly different humans, one male and one female (that is as different as humans can get), and within the bounds of marriage to make One flesh. (Genesis 2:24). This unity of Oneness is not solely sexual; however, it is precisely sexual intimacy, which makes marriage unique from all other relationships. Sexual activity does not make a marriage, but a marriage is expected to have mutually-satisfying sexual activity.
Unfortunately, rather than unity, sexual differences can be a point of division. As husbands frequently verbalize in exasperation, “I just don’t understand women.” Without significant energy and communication around the sexual and relationship differences between a husband and wife, this lack of understanding will remain and become destructive.
1 Corinthians 7:1-6 instructs the husband and wife to reach a mutually edifying rhythm and rhyme to sexual intimacy. Two of the three main activities occurring in the bed are sleeping and sexual activity. As a matter of fact, “sleeping with” another is used to reference the unifying activity of sexual intercourse. The irony is that marital discord can disrupt both of these bedroom activities. The third bed activity, fellowship with God, happens everywhere, including the bed. Discord is destructive to all three activities.
When the sexual and relational unity Gods intents in marriage is reached, there is a mystery displayed which is designed to exemplify the mystery of the union with Christ to the Church (Ephesians 5:31-2). For our purpose of sleep, a better marriage and fellowship with God frequently results in significant improvement in sleep. A soul at peace leads to sleep, sleep does not lead to peace. As a counselor, I cannot stress enough that if there is any stress, especially sexual stress in a marriage, that getting biblical counsel early is essential. Do not give the Devil a foothold in this area (Ephesians 4:26-7).

Case #7
The 72-year-old female dutifully takes melatonin and wears her smart watch to bed every night at 9PM. She is frustrated by not being able to sleep until her 6 AM alarm. Her watch also reports too little REM sleep. She is scared and frustrated wanting to find a solution.
Not only have I met this woman in Sleep clinic, but the story is the same in every senior citizen group to which I have ever spoken about Sleep. The popular media is full of what someone thinks our sleep needs to be, but does not count for the realities of aging. We will begin with the low hanging fruit of biology before we move to the theology.
The problem here is a classic misunderstanding of sleep requirements across the continuum of age. As we age, we need fewer hours of sleep (refer to the chart). If we spend excess time in bed, it will likely be awake rather than sleeping. Each person’s expectations need to match their aging biology.
Not only do we need less sleep, but it becomes more fragile due to the aches and pains and medical issues of getting older. These would best be addressed with our primary care health provider in order to minimize these disruptions (frequent urination, arthritis, hot flashes, etc).
With advancing age comes more time unspoken for, too much time with too little to do. Remember that the best intervention for our circadian rhythm is a regular rise time. If this 72-year-old wants to get up at 6 AM, she should not be going to bed before 11 PM. This means she needs to add active evening activities/hobbies. If she sits still in the evening at this age, she will likely fall asleep, which is counterproductive to a good night’s sleep. Choose a socially acceptable rise time, subtract 6 to 7 hours and stay active until bedtime. Additionally, after a restless night, do not sleep beyond the scheduled risetime. Sleeping beyond risetime changes our circadian rhythm.
Melatonin is not a good hypnotic (sleeping inducing medication). Melatonin supplementation is more of a signal to the circadian rhythm that it is night time and time to sleep. If taken, it is best to be taken at bedtime in low to moderate dosages. This would be something to speak to our primary-care physician about. In the older population, potentially more effective than melatonin at bedtime, would be a slow-release acetaminophen to take away some of the mild aches and pains which disrupt the night. (All medication use should be reviewed with a primary-care physician).
Appropriate expectations are not just about biology, but about the state of our soul. Because our souls are eternal and ageless, they do not always match the age of our biology (2 Corinthians 4:16). The reality is our bodies will wear out.
Psalm 73:26 relates it well
My flesh and my heart may fail, but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Our satisfaction, contentment and peace must be in the Lord, and the portion He supplies. Then our ageless soul in fellowship with him will be at peace in a failing body. If we cling too tightly to this life, we will be unprepared to lay down our biology and come fully into the presence and fellowship of our God.