Discovering Who God Is

A cruel temptation often strikes me, a temptation to believe I am a complete failure. In those times, I often internally call myself names that most publishers won’t publish, so I cannot write it here. I am 54 years old and employed as a server at The Cheesecake Factory in Tulsa, Oklahoma, earning $2.13 per hour plus whatever gratuities my guests leave. Most of the other servers are in their 20s and 30s. Even my brother tells me this is not a career. I once was a lawyer for two of the largest employers in the United States. I also was a happily married family man. Because of a separation from my wife after 31 years of marriage, I was asked to step down from the non-profit I founded and served as Executive Director. And, now, I am divorced. It has been the most heart-ripping time of my life, and much of my pain has stemmed from others who share my beliefs in Jesus Christ. In the culture of American Christianity, it is tragically common for the church to turn away from those who are most hurting or in need of understanding. Because of this, another tempting thought would be to blame God for the losses and griefs in my life, or to lose my faith that there is a God at all. Yet even amidst many losses and trials, I still believe.