You Are My Sunshine

I knew early on in my walk with the Lord that He wanted me to share my story in a book; when He first communicated this to me, I was terrified. I feared what my unbelieving friends and family would think; these experiences are deeply personal, spiritual, and supernatural. I was afraid of being called a liar, even among believers, as I shared the miraculous ways God has made Himself known to me. I was frightened to share the most vulnerable parts of myself and the miraculous moments beyond the ordinary with complete strangers. I am still scared, though not as frightened as I was at the beginning, because I know God is with me, directing my steps, and will never forsake me. He tells me, “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV).
What unfolds within the pages of this book is beyond what I thought was possible, and if I were on the outside, I would be skeptical. It is, and has always been, my nature to question everything. But God has been clear about His directions; I am not to hold back, for doing so would diminish the glory and magnificence of His sovereignty and power. He has shown me things for a purpose, and this is one of those purposes.
It took me fifty long years to come to Christ, even though I was raised in a church by a family of believers. I am saddened by the years I lost to the darkness. When I was first saved, I wrestled with crippling regret, thinking how much better my life could have been had I walked with Christ throughout those years rather than rebelling against Him for so long. But God assured me early on, through Joel 2:25, that He would restore the years I had lost: “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten” (ESV).
He has not disappointed; the Holy Spirit has been making up for lost time, shining His wisdom where darkness once resided and healing my intense emotional pain, pain I thought I would never be free from. What He has imparted to me has been nothing short of miraculous, growing my wisdom and faith exponentially in a very short time. Reflecting, I feel as if that other person, the old version of me, the one who was actively rebelling against God and living in daily mental anguish, lived a hundred years ago, not less than two years ago. God has repeatedly shown me that He is faithful and true.
Before coming to Christ, I could never understand how anyone would choose to believe in something that seemed so illogical. How do seemingly intelligent people decide to accept what is written in the Bible? How does one maintain blind faith in a God we cannot see? What I, as an unbeliever, perceived as folly in believers is plainly addressed in scripture. “The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14 ESV).
Now I understand that faith isn’t what I thought it was; it isn’t blind belief in something unknown but a relationship with a supernatural, sovereign God who loves us so profoundly that He makes Himself known to those who believe. Yes, I had to answer the prompting He placed on my heart, recognize my brokenness, swallow my pride, and declare that I was ready to do it His way. But once I did, God showed up immediately and made Himself known in a way that left not a shred of doubt in my mind about His existence. Then, once I was indwelt with the Holy Spirit, I realized that the Bible wasn’t just a simple book of random stories but a beautiful, glorious love letter to His people. It is full of exceptional promises and illustrates His extravagant, everlasting love. Each time I read it, the Holy Spirit opens layer upon layer of meaning that penetrates deeper into my soul. Although God has hastened my spiritual development, I am keenly aware that I could live a million more years and still not fully grasp the depths of His wisdom and unending love for us. Life on earth is full of imperfect people and situations, and it can be rife with excruciating pain. God, in all His infinite wisdom and perfection, is the only one who can lead us through all this imperfection with His strength and endless love, giving us clarity where only hurt and confusion previously existed.
By sharing my vulnerabilities, pain, and the ultimate victory found only in Christ, I hope my story inspires readers to continually seek a deeper, more intimate relationship with the Lord each day. Draw closer to God, and He will draw closer to you, revealing profound secrets you would not otherwise know. “Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come” (Jeremiah 33:3 NLT).