Redeemed Years: From Narcissistic Darkness to Light
God’s Freedom from an Abusive Marriage
by
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Chapter 8: Marriage Although he had been married 2 times before, I was groomed into believing he was a new person now, through his faith in God. He also frequently (but subtly) slandered the other 2 women, leading me to believe they had hurt him- they had been the problem. Admittedly- my own flesh also wanted marriage, and I see now how I looked for signs to convince me he was the person God had for me. As our wedding date got closer, members of my family and a few friends expressed concerns about the marriage. My mom, especially, thought he had been trying to isolate me away from them. She saw issues with his character, but I brushed it off. I was already so invested in him, taking on the role of his caregiver and personal assistant, believing he just needed someone like that to believe in him and support him. My parents begrudgingly came to the wedding, with my mom even whispering an apology to my ex during the dance they shared. He forgave her and acted touched by her gesture to give him a fresh start. We had written our own vows and even designed an official “Resolution” contract, which we signed with great flair at the ceremony. It held us to the highest standards God has for husbands and wives. He was to lead with care and patience. I was to humble myself and serve with respect. We would be accountable to God for the way we handled this covenant, and everyone saw that. However, as soon as the honeymoon started it was a rude awakening. On the plane to our vacation spot, he started blaming me for something I had no control over (the meal on the plane or his drink)... I recall feeling such confusion in the pit of my stomach. Why was he acting like I was a person he despised, when he had just promised to love and care for me forever? Was whatever I did really that terrible? Maybe it was and I just wasn’t humble enough to own it? These kinds of episodes became so frequent and so stressful that I have blocked most argument details out of my memory. By the time we arrived in the island paradise, I spent the first few hours weeping in the hotel bath tub. I remember trying to figure out how I was going to go on with this marriage. I had only been in it 3 days and already it felt like torture. I gave myself a lot of prayer time and a pep talk: “This is how it is in the beginning, especially the first year. Marriage is hard! But you trust God and look for His strength. You do not give up.” **Marking the time wasted with an abuser at this time stamp: 1 year 9 months We went on to have alternating good times and then horrible times. It started to make me walk on eggshells- anticipating the other shoe to drop whenever things seemed alright. How long would it last this time? When would he suddenly turn on me as if I was his worst enemy? The worst part was the battles in my own mind; constantly going back and forth not understanding what was truly my fault and what was his own issue. In my own way of dealing with the cognitive dissonance, I wrestled my confusion out loud by trying to put forth my excellent communication skills with him. I thought, if I can just explain my side well, he will want to understand where I am coming from. He will want to meet me in the middle somehow. Looking back, this was one of my deepest mistakes. All my over-explaining did was give him a better view of my desperation to be seen. He collected all of my expressions of grief, sadness, anger, frustration and hurt as if they were his trophies. They proved over and over he had control over me with his moods and demands. He showed brief flashes of satisfaction at the height of my frustrations and tears. I had never felt so acutely that my tears mattered so very little. Yet, I remembered they matter to God. They are precious to Him. Yet in this relationship, they were trashed. I tried to make him aware that I wouldn’t spend these tears on just anyone, that I was offering them to show how much he mattered and how deeply I loved. These kinds of explanations went down the life-sucking drain of his voracious appetite to use me up. That’s the best way I can understand it now.
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About the Book
As a Christian long awaiting a marriage that glorified God, she thought she had found her prince. Instead, she had invited a wolf in sheep’s clothing to become Lord of her home.
Liberty Steele recalls her experience with a narcissistic and abusive partner in a “Christian” marriage, likening the betrayal to “casting your pearls before swine” in this memoir.
She reveals how she found healing, offering a powerful beacon of hope for others who feel trapped in an unhealthy relationship or marriage. Having endured six years of torment, the author reflects on the biblical promise of restoration, explaining how her losses were redeemed and helping others avoid a painful path.
The author observes that being churched does not prevent abuse at home—and on average—survivors attempt to leave seven times before succeeding. Too often, the church does not stand ready to assist these
victims.
Whether you’re seeking to end an unhealthy relationship or want guidance on navigating life aft er escaping one, the author’s experiences prove that even aft er years of being diminished, a life of love and light is possible.
About the Author
Liberty Steele has a master’s degree in communication and leadership, seven years of experience as a licensed educator, and is a lifelong churched believer. Her extensive research into abusive relationships with narcissistic individuals for the past decade came after leaving an abusive relationship that lasted six years.