The Journey to Choosing Me

With prayer and fasting, the time had come for me to make the biggest decision I have ever made as an adult and single mom of three. I had run out of options and decided the best thing for me to do was give up all control. I had to let the career go and Choose Me! On April 15, 2025, I logged onto my laptop and completed the resignation forms. Holding back tears of grief and nervousness about the unknown I knew that God had given me clear instructions so I couldn’t back out. I clicked “Submit” and it was done.
Instantly, the pressure was gone! The weight of the world was finally released from me, and the worry of life bound to an idol was over. I felt like I had outwardly proclaimed that I'm no longer a slave to employment, and I am now Free and Chosen ready to be used by God. The way Joy filled my body after making that decision was indescribable. I'd never felt Joy like that before I literally traded anxiety, confusion, frustration and chaos for JOY. Unspeakable Joy!
Now it didn’t all happen at once from January to April 2025 God had sat me down and talked to me repeatedly like a father. Something I'd never experienced before, but I was willing to sit and learn about him as a father. He explained to me several times that a father protects his children, and I am his. Then he proceeded to tell me that I’m worth fighting for and worth waiting on. When I heard this, I immediately thought to myself I had to mature to this place to understand how important it is to consider myself not only because I should love myself well but because God loves me well.
I realized that I allowed my self-worth to be determined by a man's standard. I say that because the insecurities I had made me change my appearance to feel accepted when all the while God still accepted me flaws and all. God never took me off my assignments based on my imperfections. Nor did he stop his plans for me because of how I saw myself through the challenges I had begun facing. The imperfect parts of me are the very things that qualified and still qualifies me this very day. Because of God’s ability to work with broken things and broken people I realized I couldn’t rely on my own abilities anymore.
Some days I would sit back and ask myself why would God want to use someone like me, and I would go down this list of insecurities that I felt should have disqualified me from the jump stuff like I’m a single mom, I didn’t finish college because I got pregnant, I’m not the best financial steward, my skin looks horrible after giving birth, I haven’t had a successful relationship the list goes on and on. But let me tell you what I’ve come to realize about those things and thoughts. They may be facts, but it didn’t disqualify me from what Gods plan was for my life. It may have caused me to move at a slower pace or derailed me from my own personal goals a few times. In the end, God took me through the things that would ultimately build me up for this very moment you’re able to experience as you read this book.
You're not a failure! You're not late! And your story doesn’t disqualify you! In fact, all the hell you’ve gone through is because of what God is trying to work through you and get out of you! You need to acknowledge his hand on your life and stop trying to do life alone to make your name great. The reality of your life is based on one thing God is trying to use you because He Chose You! Even now as you contemplate reading the rest of this book God wants to use you. Sorry not sorry for telling you the truth!
Whenever I would get discouraged even now, I open my Bible and remember who God says I am. A daughter of a King! A royal priesthood! I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am also made in the image of God. It's important that we see ourselves and our neighbor from the lens that God sees us through.