Finding Hope

November 28. 2023 I awoke frantically confused in the post-operative recovery ward in Seattle’s Harborview Medical Center with excruciating pain located in what used to be my left foot. Icy hot fountains were spraying pure “phantom” pain down my nonexistent leg. I was overcome. There were glimpses of nurses and doctors floating by, apparently speaking inaudibly. I was irrational, writhing in desperation and panic-inducing, ongoing, breathtaking, bright-red pain in a limb that no longer existed. I couldn’t catch my breath, and my head spun. This was my post-operative status for most of Wednesday afternoon, November 28, 2023. That day led to a long and confusing night and on to days of adaptation, falls, repeated surgeries, and myriad unexpected difficulties as I grew more accustomed to my new status as an “above-knee amputee”. Wait, stop, let me introduce myself …. “Who am I?” Demographically, I’m a 74-year-old retired physician and a non-retired husband, father, and grandfather. I’m a Christian with deep roots in my faith going back generations. Perhaps ironically, as a person with this background, like the hemorrhaging woman in Mark 9, I’ve “suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors” – essentially what the narrative in this book is all about. ‘Who is this Book For?” People ask me this question frequently when they hear I am writing a book. Although therapeutic for me, I wrote it for those of any faith who are interested in maintaining or even discovering faith in God and continuing to live in relationship with Him despite, or because of, suffering. As I will discuss, I have spent over 60 years as a Jesus follower, with the past four profoundly wounded. I hope to be a help to others who may be limping along this path with me. Non-Jesus followers may be curious about how a Christian views suffering, much as I, a non-Jew, read Elie Wiesel’s book Night about his suffering in Auschwitz and Buchenwald and the beliefs springing from his experience – a suffering unimaginably more severe and better expressed than this writing, I rush to add. You are welcome here. I will hopefully earn your trust through my authenticity. If I fail to do so, stop – it won’t be worth it. Give me a few chapters, though. You might be surprised and glad that you did. What could go wrong?