What Dad Did Right

Chapter 1: He Listened and Made Space for My Voice “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…” — James 1:19 Listening With Intention One of the strengths of my dad is that he really listened to me. He had the remarkable ability to make me feel seen and heard. That coming from a father has a profound impact. He really is the person who listened to me the most in my life. In fact, he is the most amazing listener I have ever met. How did he do it? He took an interest in me, asked questions, made himself quiet, and offered follow-up questions. This made me want to confide in him. I even remember being 16 and sitting at a hotel pool deck with my dad during a family mini vacation away in Mystic, Connecticut. I was talking to him about an issue that wracked me with anxiety that I couldn’t figure out how to solve. In fact, the issue was about a boy. Some may have turned to a best friend, but he had built up that level of trust with me. I wanted his feedback, and I wanted his understanding. He didn’t have many answers, and I don’t think it would have been as powerful if he told me what to do. But he asked me insightful questions that helped me realize that this situation wasn’t as stressful as it seemed, and he helped me feel at peace and reach a conclusion. My dad took any opportunity to listen to us, in the car on the way to the library, on the way to school, at family dinners. And showing that interest made us want to open up to him. I’ll never forget how loved it made me feel. You might think that you’re not as good a listener or that’s more of a feminine trait, but that’s not true. My father just needed to be available to make that time and ask questions, and then to be ready to listen to what followed with an open mind and heart. That connection is invaluable to a child whether young or grown. I still remember the way he looked at me when I talked. Not just glanced—looked. Like what I was saying mattered. Like I mattered. It wasn’t about the answers he gave. Half the time, he didn’t have them. But what he did have was time. Attentiveness. Space. In a world that often tells daughters to be quiet, shrink down, or second-guess their thoughts, my father gave me permission to speak freely. He made room for my voice, even when it was shaky, even when it was messy, even when he didn’t understand it. There was power in the pauses he took before responding. He didn’t interrupt. He didn’t fix it. He listened like it was sacred. And it was. Active listening isn’t passive—it’s a posture of humility. It says, “I see you. I value you. I’m not rushing to change you—I’m here to get to know you.” That kind of listening becomes a bridge between hearts. For me, it built a foundation of trust and gave me the courage to speak in places far beyond our living room. In His Words: “You were so darn interesting I wanted to pay attention. Some people think it’s rare to listen, but it is the least I can do. Kids are different. You needed it so I listened. I enjoyed listening, posing questions, and hearing thoughts. On a car ride, you never know what’s going to happen, what you would share with me. I was open to the interaction and the opportunity for connection.” Active Listening - What It Is and Why It’s Crucial Active listening lets children know that they are valued. How do we define active listening? Especially today with how much time everyone spends on their phones and devices? Distraction is a problem. Are we really listening? Active listening is the practice of fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what someone is saying — without interrupting or judging. It means giving your full attention, using body language, eye contact, and verbal affirmations to show you’re engaged, and reflecting back what you hear to make sure you truly understand. Why is active listening important for building strong father-child bonds? 1. Builds Trust – When a child feels heard and understood, they’re more likely to open up. Active listening creates a safe space for emotional expression. 2. Strengthens Connection – Being fully present shows that what your child says matters. This helps deepen your emotional connection. 3. Encourages Confidence – When dads validate their kids' thoughts and feelings through active listening, it boosts the child’s self-esteem and communication skills. 4. Improves Problem Solving – Kids are more likely to work through challenges when they feel supported and not judged. 5. Models Respectful Communication – Children learn how to listen and respond by watching how their fathers communicate with them. In a world full of distractions, one of the most powerful gifts a father can give is his undivided attention.