A Note to the One Left Walking in the Grass

Imagine this: you’re at home scrolling on social media, when you see your group of “friends” all hanging out without you. You double-check the group chat, wondering if there was something you might have missed. It’s empty. Then it hits you: there is probably another group chat. One you aren’t in. One where these “friends” made separate plans and even went so far as to post them all over social media for everyone to see, including you… Did this hypothetical situation remind you of something you experienced? Most likely, we can all say yes that at least once in our lives we’ve experienced a similar situation. I can say I experienced this more than once. I experienced this in High School with sleepovers I could never seem to get an invitation to, get-togethers I just wasn’t invited to, and even being “pushed out” of friend groups. In my college and adult years, I’ve experienced this with parties I wasn’t invited to, weddings I never received an invitation to, and get-togethers with old friends that I was never a part of. It sucks… It hurts… Seeing these photos and videos, realizing that you were not as important to these people as they were to you, is a pain like none other. If you’re reading this, chances are you know what it feels like to be left out. Not once, but over and over again. You remember or are currently experiencing the pain of realizing that maybe you had your friendships all wrong. You are probably feeling a mix of emotions, from anger to sadness and also happiness, that you now know where you stand, all at the same time. You’re probably exhausted. We all want to feel wanted and loved. We go through our lives hoping to find that big, close-knit girl group. The one we share everything with. The one we laugh with, cry with, experience huge life moments and changes with, the one that never makes us question if we are enough. But what if we never find that? What if we find ourselves forcing friendships in hopes that one day we will be liked? If you’re reading this book today, most likely, you’ve experienced these feelings at least once in your life. You’ve been left out, you’ve unintentionally left someone else out, you’ve struggled to find community and friends, or maybe you’re here because you want to help someone in your life. No matter what drew you to this book today, I'm glad you’re here! I hope that my personal experiences and the lessons God has taught me can bring you some encouragement. Before I continue, let me be clear about one thing. This book is not an excuse to play the blame game. It is not an excuse to hold grudges against those who hurt you. It is not an excuse to ridicule others. I think so often, we get so hurt in these situations that we forget who Christ calls us to be. We forget our morals and sink into our emotions rather than giving them to the creator. I can say personally, though I have experienced these feelings more times than I would like to admit, I have also been the one to damage friendships. That’s what being human is. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5 Let this be both a source of encouragement and a space for self-reflection. If possible, may it even be a nudge toward reconciliation or forgiveness. And if reconciliation isn’t possible, may this be the beginning of healing and grace—for you, and for them. As I prayed over the direction I wanted to take this book and the title I envisioned for it, God clearly led me to the idea of the grass and the path. Often, when you’re the friend who is the outcast or cast aside, you’re the one they don’t make room for on the path, the one forced to walk in the grass, the one left if you had to stop and tie your shoe, the “second-tier” friend. The one walking in the grass is off the path that others are on, but still trying to keep smiling and keep up, but never feeling like a member of the group. She’s tired, she’s often a people pleaser, and she just wants to be loved. This book is a note to her—from someone who’s been there. A note written with gentleness, truth, and the steady hope that comes from walking with Jesus when no one else walks beside you. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 Friend, I don’t have all the answers. But I do have stories. I have Scripture. And I have the kind of comfort that only comes from walking closely with Jesus when everyone else walks away. If you’re in the grass, this note is for you.