Out of the Wilderness

Before my wilderness season of chronic illness, I was living a wonderful life. I was healthy, happy, and thriving. The year was 2023 and the COVID-19 pandemic was over. Life was finally normal again. My husband, Jordan, and I were as happy as ever. We had just relocated to the Florida panhandle from Birmingham, Alabama. We loved our home and had started acclimating to our new town. Our new location was halfway between each of our families but remained driving distance from old friends. I was at the height of my career in a job that I loved with a company that I adored. Everything was on the up and up. It was like living a dream. Each day, Jordan and I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of flourishing careers, as well as the calm of the ocean breeze and sand. Our lives had found an equilibrium. How nice! We had longed for this time in our lives. We felt settled and stable. We embraced this time but also stayed true to our goal-oriented mindsets. Every time we felt stable, it seemed to set a perfect stage for planning the next phase of life. We started discussions about what we would focus on for the next several years and decisions we needed to make. Life seemed so in control. In life, I feel like humans often have calm before the storm. The beginning of 2023 was certainly my calm before the most intense storm I ever experienced. I want to give a proper depiction of the storm, so I will use comparisons and metaphors throughout my story. Jordan and I love the water, fishing, boating, and sailing. As you will see, I use a lot of nautical comparisons throughout this book. If you own a boat, you know they always have something that needs repair. This is how my body felt in my wilderness season, so I felt the boat examples were most appropriate. Speaking of repairs, a metaphorical storm like the one in my wilderness season would have battered the sails and hull of a sailboat beyond belief. Upon the passing of the storm, the boat would be unrecognizable and just shy of being unrepairable. In 2023, I suddenly felt like this sailboat. My life was instantly upended by a set of serious, mysterious illnesses, which battered every part of me. What seemed to be a normal day in March 2023 ended in an emergency room (ER). What reared its head minutes before arriving at the ER persisted for years to come. I know it sounds odd to be sick for years. I wish I could say that I am exaggerating, but I’m not. When I look back, I realize how difficult and extensive the process of diagnosing, treating, and recovering is. If I knew then what I know now, my path would have been much easier. Instead of dwelling on my pain and hardship, I tried to understand why God needed me to experience this. When I looked at the wilderness through this lens, I realized I had an opportunity to positively influence the path of others. I went through everything imaginable and overcame every obstacle standing in the way of my recovery. Why would God not use this? I was starting to see purpose coming from my pain. This inspired me to share my story and advice to the world. I felt God nudge me to write this very book. You will notice that I frequently discuss my faith in this book. My goal is not to deter anyone by including this. I share a great deal of medical information and guidance on dealing with chronic illness. However, there is no avoiding or skirting around the topic of faith. It was literally what saved me and what drove me to share my story. As you read my story, you will see how my faith was the only light guiding me during pivotal points of my journey. I know I can help others walk through this wilderness. My goal is to help make your journey easier and faster. Losing a portion of your life to debilitating illness is a tragedy. I’ve been there. Living in 2025, you would assume that extreme chronic illnesses are easy to diagnose and overcome. I wish that was the case. When I realized I was seriously ill, I went to doctor after doctor, and clinic after clinic, in search of answers. I did not stay sick for years due to lack of trying. Along the way, I met many others wandering in the same wilderness. This wilderness was a dark, dark place because there were no answers, which meant there was no hope. I had no idea what was attacking me. I had no information on the attacker, nor did anyone else. There was no path to any sort of destination. I had never experienced such a dire situation. While the world outside my house was sunny with sea salt fragranced winds, what was lurking inside could not have been more different. I was in pain. I was in agony. I needed help and sought help. Everyone genuinely wanted to help me, but they didn’t know how. No one had answers, including healthcare professionals. Every practitioner I visited acknowledged that I was seriously ill but did not have a label for the illness. This led my support network and me into one of the most frustrating emotions - helplessness. This can lead to the darkest of places. Some give up. They feel they have no other choice. Due to my strong faith, I know when the world does not have the answers I need, I must look to Heaven. Heavenly solutions are always available. It is common to face seemingly impossible situations during a wilderness season. There is a reason that we refer to it as a wilderness! These situations force us to fully rely on God. What other choice do we have?