When God Calls

Chapter 1
Intentional Reflection
(sailboat graphic – black and white outline)
25 And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” 28 Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus.
-NRSV Matthew 14:25-29
Have you ever reflected on a time that you realized you experienced so many emotions in a short period of time? Reflecting upon this scripture while imagining the scene, the disciples demonstrate so many emotions in a short period of time: terrified, fear, calmness, trust, security. A range of emotions can come over us so quickly and depending on our outlook of life is how we respond. We know that after Peter began to walk, he took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink. However, Jesus reached out his hand to keep Peter from drowning.
In January of 1993, I was at a Spiritual Life Retreat with our youth group and youth leader. Going to camp had always brought so many emotions, because this camp felt like home. I had been a camper since my grandmother had taken my cousins and I in fourth grade every summer. During the retreat, I was one who met everyone there. I wanted to hang with everyone no matter their age. Being a seventh grader, though, seemed to be an issue. One of the adult leaders just thought I should be with only seventh graders. Since I was a social butterfly and the past feeling of being an outsider, I did not receive that well. I realized that I did not want to be a leader like her when I was old and gray. That weekend I got to know Jesus on a different level. I became intentional about having an open heart and mind for those different from me… even if it was just an age gap.
This experience led me to being quite passionate about not excluding others no matter how different they were. This experience led me to befriending everyone who wanted to have a friendship with me not matter difference. Within any situation growing up, my parents would say “Well, what are you going to do if God is calling you to __________________?”. This became a question I would ask myself when any tough situation came to the forefront of my life. Being human, though, there have been many, many times where I avoided filling in the blank. Reason being, I knew that if I filled in the blank, then I would have to commit fully to the calling God had on me at that moment.
So many years, I was scared that if I fully committed to God, then I would lose me. Have you ever felt that way? Due to my spiritual immaturity, I did not realize that I did not lose the person God created. I lost the negative aspects of who I had grown to be. Grasping this, I think, has been the hardest of all. I believe this mindset is what led to so many years of avoidance of my calling and confidence that I was worthy to say “YES” to God. Instead of stepping out of the boat, I was allowing water, negativity, to fill my boat.
Trying so hard to be a positive person and stay positive through negativity can drain a person. To me the hardest part, though, is recognizing in yourself that you are being negative. I realized that the negativity stemmed from how I said things. For instance, when someone would ask how I was I would respond “I am exhausted to the max.” I could have responded more positively while still be honest by saying “Life has been overwhelmingly amazing leaving quite tired”. See the change there? Sometimes our positivity or negativity comes down to the lens which we use to respond with according to our emotion at the time. By the same token, if one is intentional about the responses one makes, then one is able to shift their mindset to shift their response.