Not a Christmas Carol

Late December Memphis transforms into a quiet cityscape that carries a sacred calm. Although snow seldom visits this region, frost blankets the streets with a lace-like sheen that sparkles beneath the gentle storefront illumination while embracing the street poles. The Mississippi River flows slowly beneath gray skies which mirror the muted atmosphere of the city. During winter months the river and its surrounding areas usually remain active. This year both take a break from their activities to breathe in the holiday atmosphere. The festive spirit of the season extends unevenly throughout the city. Dr. Richard Mann finds Christmas amplifying his feelings of disillusionment and solitude which have turned his recent years into a prolonged period of stagnation. During the holiday season Memphis combines the lively sounds of blues and jazz with both joyful celebrations and moments of deep reflection. Anyone can understand that Memphis's streets and structures hold narratives of achievement or loss which contribute to the community's shared history. The city displays decorations that bring festive cheer to both public spaces and private homes yet stand in contrast to the persistent poverty, inequality, and heartache dividing the city. The combination of heartache and happiness within this city holds personal meaning for Dr. Mann. The emotions of his patients reveal their stories to him through their facial expressions and the tales of sorrow that travel across the city. Richard doesn't recognize these nuances anymore. He must have seen something that led him to this belief: Individuals bear responsibility for their situations and possess the ability to overcome their struggles if they simply expended more effort. During his earlier medical practice he worked with a combination of responsibility and compassion. His medical practice now consists of systematic steps which lead him to make judgments about patients whom he views as adults who have ignored their health while increasing the strain on an overtaxed healthcare system. The doctor views each consult session as merely another move down the medical system conveyor belt. The outwardly calm demeanor hides resentment since patients who contribute to the burden of the healthcare system should be the ones to fix their own problems. Richard cannot see the world which stands outside his beliefs—a world his sister Karen once perceived with remarkable clarity. She could look past superficial details to grasp the complex elements that formed her patients' experiences. The Mann Clinic existed because of her spirit and they both dedicated themselves to creating this shared vision. And why? They shared a passion for medical practice which combined diagnostic science with empathy because Karen believed this approach could heal nearly all ailments. She trusted the power of human connection as her parents did and recognized that listening should come before making judgments and prescribing solutions. Karen's absence created a festering wound that drained him unhealthily as he worked to fill the void she left behind. Karen's absence left him without a compassionate sounding board to help him develop reasonable responses to the ways humans treat each other cruelly so he started to view the clinic as a place to produce patient hours like a mill grinds grain. The feelings he once had for his clinic and the work he performed there disappeared as they were drawn into an endless pit of frustration that he could express only through his patients. His perception shifted so that patients became mechanical objects needing repairs rather than individuals whose stories demanded attention. The memory of Karen continues to follow him as the persistent melody of a distant song. During quiet moments after the clinic empties he feels her presence beside him. He remembers her soft encouragements to explore further depths and avoid making premature assumptions. He has kept his memories from breaking through the bitter shell that has shielded him from his grief for many years. He believes his method remains the only practical choice since it aligns with a society that respects personal responsibility as both honorable and essential. As the city quiets down on this particular Christmas Eve, Richard experiences an unexplainable restlessness while a coldness spreads through the empty streets. He secures the clinic doors while his steps reverberate through the vacant corridors as he switches off each light individually. The darkness of every room stands as a symbol of the shared dream between him and Karen which now appears remote and hollow. While securing the door he contemplates why he cannot experience holiday joy like others and whether he will ever return to previous familiar feelings rather than this ongoing cycle of resentment and responsibility which appears endless. Snow begins to fall again outside while the world stands still. The city is covered by a gentle quiet snow blanket which displays a winter beauty that never fails to take Richard's breath away. He pulls his coat tighter around him. The freezing air assaults his senses but he maintains his defiance against its grasp. He quickens his steps on his walk to fight the inevitable bone-chilling cold that is approaching. The seasonal music emerges from somewhere ahead with notes that remain sharp and distinct against the quiet. Richard pauses and listens closely to determine whether he should advance to find the source of the sound or continue on his path. Richard perceives the festive embraces among families on the street as something completely detached from his reality. Richard arrives at his basic home situated on a peaceful road but finds himself without any welcoming signs from family members or friends. The living room he enters lacks any signs of life and most importantly any trace of holiday spirit. The oppressive silence Richard encounters upon returning home during the holidays strikes him as particularly harsh in mid-December. Richard sinks into an armchair yet remains too energized to sleep. His imagination functions as an optimistic and detached element that fantasizes about what could be waiting for him at the clinic after New Year's arrival. On the edge of restless sleep Richard experiences an unfamiliar light flood into his room.