Compass Rose

When he said he had something in mind, I did not think that meant sitting in a basket, forty feet in the air. I say sitting, but I was really wrapped around the pole in the center, with my eyes shut as tight as they could be, and hanging on for dear life. I felt like I was on a palm tree in the middle of a windstorm up there, but through the howling wind I heard Finn’s voice, “Compass, just stand up. I promise we’re completely safe up here.” “I’m good,” I said with a shaky voice, so he squatted down next to me and said, “Once you stand up, you'll realize why I brought you up here, but if you let the fear consume you, you'll never see the true beauty of freedom.” I knew he was right. I just had to let go of the fears that have been holding me back, so I opened my eyes, and said, “Okay,” almost silently, but he heard me, and smiled. He helped me to my feet and as I looked out on the great unknown in front of me, with the wind blowing coolly against my cheeks, my whole being felt free. “Thank you,” I said as I took a slow inhale. “You’re welcome,” he replied. I knew he was smiling by the way his words came out, and that made me smile too. I don’t know what got into me, but I didn’t want to get down. It was like I was home again... ...There was something about being in the crow's nest that refreshed my soul. The breeze blowing against my face, the fact that we were so high up and my problems seemed to stay on the ground along with my fears and anxiety, and one of the sweetest people I've ever met was right beside me... ...As I stood watching the dolphins disappear into the horizon, I heard the wind whisper as it gently stirred around me. It sounded as if someone was speaking to me, not in a real language though, and yet I still knew what it was saying to me. It spoke in large gusts and low breaths, in a voice I've never heard, but somehow always knew. I pondered the words the wind spoke to me as I climbed down the ladder bringing me back to the ground. When my feet hit the ground though I instinctively picked up my fears and anxieties and laid them across my shoulders as if I were putting a backpack on. That same heavy, almost pulling you over feeling you get when wearing a backpack, was the same feeling my burdens were giving me. The one thing I couldn’t figure out though was how I hadn’t realized this before. Why is it that right now was the first time I was noticing the full weight of my burdens? Was I just blind to it? Or is it because I now know what it feels like without them? After you’ve tasted freedom those chains that once felt like comfort and safety now just feel like what they really are, something holding you back from experiencing truly living. You become a prisoner to your fears and even though you hold the keys, your chains are calling all the shots. I was done though with living that way; where my fears told me what to do. I needed to let those chains go and be in control of my own life again. The only question was…How?