A Lioness Roars

Introduction: Our Desires To desire means you’re wanting or wishing for something. As humans, we desire to be seen. We desire for people to know us. What do you desire? Do you desire fame? Do you desire to have the newest car? The biggest house? The latest iPhone? Maybe you desire a successful career? I encourage you to take a look inside at the desires of your heart. My heart longs and desires to be with Jesus. My desire is to have every part of Him and Him to have every part of me. I desire to serve Him and glorify Him to the best of my ability. I have a desire to share how faithful God has been in my life. Even if this is for one person, it is worth it. Before truly seeking out Jesus, I considered myself introverted and quiet. I would hide myself in the corner and hope nobody would talk to me. Isn’t claiming that you’re introverted or quiet just labeling anyway? Weirdly, I wanted to be unseen, but also desired for people to know my story. I did not want to share my story for people to pity me but to feel encouraged by the testimony of God. God would not let me ignore this call to share my testimony. Have you ever had a burning desire inside of you? Have you ever felt like there is so much inside of you that you might actually explode? You are just waiting and crying out for someone to ask you about your story. You are hurting for someone to see you. To hear you. To listen to you. To know you. If that is you, then this book is for you. The most beautiful part of this story is that God is the redeemer. If you allow God to work in your life, your story will shine as a testimony of God’s glory. Even though parts of our stories are heavy or exposing, they are not our identity. My identity is in Christ. There are parts of my story that leave me in a vulnerable place. However, the weight of my story does not outweigh the price of what Christ did for me. Jesus suffered a brutal death for me. The least I can do is share my story and how He turned a broken life into a beautiful testimony that glorifies Him! Chapter 1: Stolen Innocence People say that trauma heals as time goes on, but I don’t completely agree with that. We can’t push hurt down under the surface and expect to be at peace with it. If we break a bone and just let it heal over time, is the bone actually healed correctly? I would like to think that we could have aches, or discomfort, there because the bone isn’t properly set in place. The wound would have to be reopened to help it heal properly. Reopening wounds and healing them properly from the inside out is what Jesus did for me. We have to deal with trauma in a healthy way. We should not bottle up our problems. I was a great bottler. I could forgive and push all my emotions down. I have always been able to take a lot of hurt from people. Walking and finding my authority in Christ has allowed me to speak up and speak out. I am able to stand my ground in God’s word, not the word of the world. What happened to the church body being open and vulnerable with each other? When can we take the masks off and show the truth? Isn’t that what people are yearning for in our society? Truth. Realness. They want real! The most real and true thing we can find is Jesus. If we can’t be open and honest with each other, then how can we truly show the faithfulness and love of Jesus? The only way to heal fully and mend the brokenness inside us is through Jesus. He is our counselor! We find growth and healing when we bring Jesus into our trauma. You have to invite Him in. He won’t force your hand. We do not get to decide how we come into this world or what kind of life we are dealt, but we can make the ultimate decision. The decision to accept what Jesus did for us on the cross and declare Him as Lord and Savior. The Early Years My childhood started with my parents divorcing when I was a baby. My dad remarried soon afterwards, and my family got larger with the new marriage. I was blessed with a wonderful stepmom, who brought two kids into the picture. My dad brought my sister and I into the blended family as well. Eventually, they added a fifth child into the mix, my little brother. Growing up in this family dynamic had a lot of shuffling and changes that occurred. I remember from a young age feeling rejected and unwanted by my father. I have heard this saying often, “Children spell love, T-I-M-E.” Children feel love in all different ways. My two little girls are affectionate, but one of them needs a lot of affirmation from me. Sometimes, we forget that love languages do not only apply to our spouses, but also our children. My father was not always affectionate. He worked a lot to feed and care for the five children. It left me with a void that a child does not understand. I felt unloved. I needed affection and affirmation. Children don’t always know how to express the emptiness they are feeling. The void I felt affected my future. It changed the way I responded to others and how I carried myself. I just wanted to feel seen by my dad. There it is again: the desire to be seen.