Give me Everything…Including the Crown

A few weeks later, I saw the mysterious and charming woman who made me realize I was not small enough to fall through the cracks. Silently, we slipped into the garden and walked side by side. After a long time, I said, "What are you supposed to do after you've had a funeral and you've mourned the death of your hopes and dreams?" She raised her eyebrows and said, "The answer to that question is simple, but to carry it out will cost you everything. Are you ready to give up everything?" I nodded emphatically to confidently communicate that I knew this was the only logical way before I heard the answer. But as I knowingly nodded my head, a battle began. I vowed to myself that I would give just enough to get the results I wanted while fiercely holding on to my hopes and dreams that maybe weren't completely buried. As if she sensed I wasn't ready to give up anything of value, she told me to find her when I was more prepared to hear the answer. That afternoon, I didn't think much more about this answer, which was supposedly going to cost me everything. Why should I pay the price for the pain others had caused me? All the while, these others were the very people that were supposed to love and care for me. Hmmm. When had I become so consumed with myself? I had these hopes and dreams of being cherished, but for what else was I really hoping and dreaming? I know I want to have children and be a loving mother. I also want to help people. But I didn't have any actual plans to carry out and achieve these goals. To what was I holding so tightly? For the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. I was at a loss.