Metamorphosis

I WOULD STILL LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS WITH SOMEONE AFTER YOUR READING OF IT. From Chapter Thirty-Three Ronald: I stay still for a moment to read her reaction, but she gives off none. This is the third nervous sign I sense, so I decide to answer her question favored to me a few moments earlier. I settle myself on the pillow. I pull myself up, so it is mostly along my back and say, “It was quite an experience!” “What?” she asks. “You asked me about the weekend, and I would say it was a fabulous awakening. I learned things about myself that I had never recognized. One might call it transformational, life-changing! The single biggest thing is that I came to know myself. It is like you have said a few times, I know who I am. I really did not know who I am. It’s strange, but I'd been living opposite to who I am. Yeah, it is all quite revealing to me.” “Wow, I’m impressed but not surprised. Though, I am mildly surprised- pleasantly, of course. And Ronald, I’ve seen you waking up and it is exciting to see.” “Why do you say you are mildly surprised, Lina? “I say that Ronald, because you arrived some weeks ago as such a stiff, dispassionate shell of a man. While I’ve had hope in my heart for you -it has been with caution. There have been times when I thought I saw progress sprouting up only to find it was a false alarm." I stop her and respond quickly, “Oh! So, now I do pass the human test and get beyond the alien from out of space label?” She laughs and says, “Well, let’s not move too quickly with that, but Ronald, I do like what I see; it is encouraging.” She moves closer to me and I place my arm around her, holding her tightly as she cuddles against my body. After a few moments, she says, “Kiss me,” sounding more certain which confuses me, but she doesn’t give me time to dwell on this, pulling me and smashing my lips on her. Keeping her hand on my neck and holding me in place. She kisses me passionately, almost as if communicating her need to settle my doubts, and it doesn’t take long before I forget all my inhibitions and return the kiss with the same fervor. But, then she pulls back swiftly. “What’s wrong?” I ask her with a finger on her cheek tilting her to look at me. She doesn’t respond for a moment or two, then lifts her hand to my face, staring at me deeply, and says, “I have a problem. I don’t want you to stop,” turning her face away from me. “That doesn’t sound like a problem to me.” Feeling my submission to desire, her palm spreads out over my back, which makes me stiffen as her nails run a sensuous trail against my spine, lifting herself slightly so that I feel her covered nipples against my bare chest. I groan at the contact, and she gasps into the kiss. “Hold me, Ronald.” As I sit up and hold her tightly, she speaks softly, “My problem is I’m not being fair to you. I hope you see me as I am and know me for who I am, but at this early stage of what I hope is your metamorphosis, I should not expect you to be so in tune.” “Metamorphosis? As in caterpillar to butterfly?” She moves up out of my arms and turns to me, looking directly at me. “Yes, I want to believe what I am starting to see but I know I’m expecting too much, too fast. Ronald, I shared with you how I live from my heart, and I must maintain the integrity of what I believe at the core of my being. You remember, I’m sure, that I experience a relationship as a deep connection – a body, mind, emotion, and spirit kinship. I cannot settle for one or two or the other. I’m a full package. It’s who I am- it’s the way I experience the world. One day, when or if I find the man who meets me where I am, I’ll be looking for his commitment, dedication, and love inspired by his mind, emotion, body, and spirit. I know it’s a lot to expect, but my heart demands this of me, it’s as if I have no choice in the matter. So, when, one day, this superhuman man comes into my life and we marry, the ultimate connection will one day be realized.” We both remain silent for a moment or two. “So, Lina, may I ask why you’ve been so seemingly seductive this evening, so sensual, so sexy.” She pauses, then says, “Two conflicting emotions are going on within me, Ronald, and it is why I said I have a problem AND why I said I’m not being fair to you. You see, I am finding myself being attracted to you, but I know in my heart this is just a natural physical attraction spurred on by the changes I’m seeing in you emotionally. Then, at the same time, knowing l could control myself, I was testing you. I even asked myself earlier, ‘I wonder how far he will take this’. For this, I would ask your forgiveness. It's not fair to place a man in a quandary like this. It was my ego that took me down this path, placing myself above you in my mind. Will you forgive me?” “Wow, when you say it like that, you remind me of the trainers last weekend. They seemed to be able to see deeply within me and express things I’d never even considered before. It was often uncomfortable, yet I appreciated it and felt closer to each one I encountered in this way. So, yes, of course, Lina, I forgive you- this kind of honesty and straightforward discussion is deeply moving, and I think I love it!” “Thank you for understanding, Ronald.”