Objection Overruled

Unpacking Your Luggage We can choose to carry our trauma with us or make a sound decision to release it and grow from it and through it. So often, we allow shame, guilt, and regret to hold us hostage to our trauma. Holding on to trauma allows the source of the trauma be it a person, a circumstance, or an incident, to maintain active control over our mind, our body, and our soul. Releasing the trauma, on the other hand, empowers a person to face it head-on and declare I am NOT my trauma and decide that they are not what happened to them. Only then can we move and grow from the trauma. Sometimes, moving beyond trauma may require professional support through therapy. It also requires active work in increasing your level of emotional intelligence. When I first started learning about emotional intelligence, it was a foreign concept to me. However, the more I work on my own emotional intelligence the more I'm able to recognize where others could benefit from work in this area in their own personal life. Lower levels of emotional intelligence can be directly correlated to the defense mechanisms we’ve established in our lives. God is teaching me that as I continue to unpack my luggage I am increasing in my level of emotional intelligence. He is also giving me wisdom on how to help others grow in their level of emotional intelligence. A very simple example of someone with low levels of emotional intelligence can be seen in the person who believes that an employer’s attendance policy should apply to everyone except them. A more extreme example is the person who brags about having a PhD, however, they become belligerent anytime someone challenges them or doesn’t agree with them. I’ve shared some of the traumatic experiences in my life that I remember. I’m positive that there are many more that I can’t remember. Nonetheless, these traumatic experiences with all other experiences in my life have made me who I am today. They shaped my attitudes, my behaviors, my decision-making, my feelings, my emotions, and how I show up in relationships. June 11, 2006, I made the decision to take a long, hard look at who I was and admit that I didn’t like who or what I saw in the mirror that day. That day, I committed my life to Christ and have been on a journey of healing and restoration since. My journey of healing and restoration is teaching me things I never dreamed I’d learned. One of the most important things that healing has allowed me to see is that it’s a lifelong commitment. Many believe that they can be “healed” in this lifetime. However, my belief is that I won’t ever be fully healed until the day God calls me home to live in Heaven. Until that day, I’ll be on my journey toward healing. My journey toward healing consistently challenges me to look at me, first. If I’m offended by someone, my first question is, “Why?” If I’m angry with someone, my first question is, “Why?” If I feel a need to avenge myself, my first question is, “Why?” God is teaching me the importance of extending the amount of grace that I like to receive. As we extend grace, we lose a victim mentality and gain a victor mentality. If you say something mean to me, I remind myself that the statement is not true nor is it a reflection of who I am. I also understand that if a person feels the need to lash out at me it’s likely a reflection of how they see themselves, not me. On the flip side, if I feel the need to say something mean to someone else, I’m learning to catch the thought, check the thought and change the thought. In doing so, I am extending the same grace I like to receive. It’s always so much easier to receive grace than to give grace. This is especially true when we feel wronged. However, if we consistently remind ourselves of the grace that God gives us every day, it will likely become easier to do. I’ve committed to myself that I will no longer allow people, circumstances, or situations to control how I feel. To do this, I must work consistently to increase my level of emotional intelligence. This is an active part of my daily growth and development in my spiritual walk with God and actively translates into every area of my life. As my emotional intelligence increases so does my ability and willingness to extend grace. This doesn’t mean that I now allow people to walk over me. On the contrary, I’m better equipped to set boundaries, hold people accountable, and support others in becoming more emotionally intelligent. This is an important skill to have in my faith, in ministry, and in business. When we learn to keep our emotions intact, we become more valuable in every relationship we find ourselves in, even our relationship with God.