Beyond Law and Order

My departure from intimacy for the pursuit of law and order. When I think back to my introduction to Christianity, and I gave myself to Jesus completely, it changed me deeply. Growing up faith, church, God, and Christianity was never really part of my life. This story illustrates my first experience of intimacy with Christ and the power that arises from such a relationship with Him. This is also a good example of how prioritizing rigid obedience to laws and regulations over intimacy with Christ can have a conflicting and unhealthy outcome in our lives. Let me show you what I mean. When I was saved from my sin through the work that Jesus did on the cross for me and I accepted His great gift of mercy and grace, an enormous sense of urgency washed over me, compelling me to clean up my language. Profanity, which was a staple in my vocabulary, suddenly felt intolerable. Christ had saved me from my sins, and somehow, I knew, I could no longer talk that way. I remember getting all my employees together and telling them that profanity would no longer be acceptable in our workplace. This conviction ran so deep in me. It came from my passionate desire for more intimacy with Christ. Soon after, I felt pressure from some of those well-meaning church members to align my life with what they deemed to be God's standards for devout Christians. You've met some of those people, haven't you? Not knowing any better, I stepped up to the challenge and gave it my best shot! As I attempted to obey these new laws and regulations that I didn’t even know existed, I suddenly realized how outmatched and overpowered I really was. I found myself enslaved by habits, hang-ups, and hurts that I didn’t even know I had before I was saved. However, I just so happened to be studying the Book of Romans at this time in my life, and as God often does, He opened my eyes to what I was experiencing. The great apostle Paul described the struggle I was dealing with like this: “Well then, am I suggesting that the law of God is sinful? Of course not! In fact, it was the law that showed me my sin. I would never have known that coveting is wrong if the law had not said, “You must not covet.” But sin used this command to arouse all kinds of covetous desires within me! If there were no law, sin would not have that power.” Romans 7:7-8 (NLT). God’s law was exposing the power that my sinful desires truly had over me. Despite my efforts to comply with this newfound legalistic approach to Christianity, I constantly stumbled and failed to overcome these obstacles. One such challenge was my smoking habit. Once again, some of those well-meaning, concerned fellow Christians advised me that it was unbecoming of a follower of Christ to smoke. Despite several attempts to quit, I found myself repeatedly surrendering to my addiction to cigarettes. Without any focus on my intimacy with Christ my obsession with law and order growing stronger every day, and doubts began to creep in. They caused me to question whether I was genuinely saved and whether Jesus truly resided within me. As I tried to break free from this addiction, in a moment of desperation, driving down the road overwhelmed by my failures, I cried out to God for deliverance. I impulsively tossed my cigarettes and lighter out the window, only to find myself buying a fresh pack at the next convenience store. By now, my frustration had reached a breaking point, and I contemplated abandoning Christianity altogether. Have you ever felt that way? I was convinced that I could never conform to all of these new rules and regulations that were being imposed upon me. It was then that God's voice spoke to me again, ever so gentle yet unmistakable. He revealed to me that He had a priority list for my life, and smoking did not top that list. David wrote in Psalms 119:105–112 (NIV): “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws. I have suffered much; preserve my life, Lord, according to your word. Accept, Lord, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws. Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law. The wicked have set a snare for me, but I have not strayed from your precepts. Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.” Like David, I so wanted to have that kind of faithful and committed relationship with God. However, without the type of intimacy that David clearly demonstrates in this Psalm, I knew I could never fulfill my desire to follow God's laws. As I read through that passage of scripture and many more like it, I believed that God had told me that if I would surrender my life to His priorities, He would address all of my hurts, habits, and hangups in due time. In that moment, trusting in His guidance, I surrendered control over to Him. As I began to once again prioritize intimacy with Christ above all else, real transformation started to take place. When the time came for God to address my smoking habit, I was blown away by how quickly and completely it disappeared from my life. It was such a powerful testament to the transformative power of surrendering to God's will and allowing Him to “intimately” work in me in His own time and manner.