The Acceptance
What Brings and Keeps Lifelong Love
by
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Let’s say your marriage is struggling a bit. You don’t necessarily dislike your spouse, but you’re not exactly thrilled about them either. One day you see an advertisement that a famous marriage guru is coming to town to speak on the subject: How to Reignite Your Marriage.
“That’s exactly what we need,” you think to yourself. “I’m going to get us tickets!” So, you get online and make your purchase. You’re so excited to tell your spouse. But, for some reason, they don’t seem very thrilled, although they agree to go. Why doesn’t he or she share your enthusiasm? Because, they believe that you are hoping it will change them more than it will yourself.
A month later you are sitting in the audience with your spouse. Not only is the speaker funny and engaging, she is presenting a lot of great tools. She tells the audience that you should never blame your own feelings on your spouse, something your spouse often does to you. She tells the audience that you should give respect to your spouse, even when they aren’t acting respectably, something you need to get better about doing. You make a mental note to show more respect. You make an actual note, in the margin of your handout: dDon’t blame your feelings on your spouse! You’re feeling really great about coming to this event. You’ve learned some things that will help you. But, most importantly, your spouse heard some things that should really, really help him or her be a better spouse. You have more hope for your marriage!
A week later, you have an argument…
Spouse: “This is the second time, since we went to that marriage event, that you made me feel disrespected!”
You: “Well, this is at least the third time, since we went to that event, that you blamed your feelings on me!”
We can all see where this is going, so I won’t bore you with the entire dialogue. At the end of the argument, things now seem to be worse than before the event, creating an even greater sense that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. But as my good friend, and marriage counselor, Tim Russo likes to say: “There’s nothing wrong with your marriage!”
You see, a relationship is not a real thing. You can’t drop your relationship off at my office and hear me say something like, “Come back in six weeks to pick up your relationship. I should have it running just fine.”. A relationship is simply what we label the dynamics of how two individuals interact with each other. Let’s look at it in another way,…
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About the Book
While other relationship and marriage books simply offer tools, The Acceptance goes beyond by explaining what is at the core of what drives us to look for a mate in the first place, and, how that dynamic continues to play out in every interaction throughout the life of the relationship.
“Symphonically weaving story-telling, scientific research, and professional experiences, Jon Anderson discovers the tools necessary for authentic marriages. Couples cultivating their own long-term health and happiness may not be needing to read The Acceptance, but they surely will be wanting to read it!”
—Dr. Don Lucas – Author of “Being: You Happiness, Pleasure and Contentment”
About the Author
Jon R Anderson has worked directly with thousands of couples and individuals. He has conducted more than 160 couples intensives, dozens of marriage retreats, numerous relationship courses, and he has trained hundreds to facilitate effective marriage classes. Jon earned his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy in 1997 from Abilene Christian University. He also has eighteen years experience teaching college level courses in Psychology and Human Development. He formerly served as the Coordinator of Counseling Services at San Antonio College, and as adjunct professor at Northwest Vista College. Jon hosts the podcast, Relationship Rewire, and is the author of Growing Love and 365 Days of Growing Love. He is also the founder of Growing Love Network, a 501c3 non-profit organization dedicated to revolutionizing relationships for lifelong love.
Jon has been married to Joanna since 1985. They have three adult children, two sons-in-law, one daughter-in-law, two grand-dogs, and, so far, five grandchildren.