ABCs of Real Beauty – The Epiphany

As she continued her search, she located a branding photo I used in 2015. She proceeded to tell me that this was the photo she wanted permission to use. I told her that the photo was old and that I did not look like that anymore. She laughed and said that nobody’s marketing photos ever look like the person. She then proceeded to text me a copy of the photo. Once I had received it, she asked me to take a good look at it and she paused. As I studied the photo, her next statement and question hit me like the electrical current released from a defibrillator! It landed squarely in my heart! She said…” This is the woman I am looking for, WHERE IS THAT WOMAN?” She asked me once again to examine the photo closely, to look into the eyes and look at the smile. She then asked: “Where is that woman, Gideon?” For those of you who may not be familiar with the Biblical story of Gideon, we’ll get to that a little later. By this time, tears began to well up in my eyes and my voice started to crack. I knew with perfect understanding exactly what she was asking and what her words meant. The photo was glamorous, but that was not at all her focus. As the old saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Her gaze was deeper than the makeup, she zeroed in on the smile, its genuineness. Not a forced smile held at just the right angle. The eyes, that confidence, and fire that was unaffected by circumstances and could take on the world at a moment’s notice. The boldness, the influence, the pure joy. That photo did not reflect the new mask that I had been wearing for the last few years; trying to paint a picture that everything was fine, that I was fine, even though I was not…perhaps like you? Or maybe like someone you may know? Let’s be honest, it’s just us. So, as if that wasn’t enough, she then proceeded to remind me of the things I had done during that season of my life—the engagements, and the projects I was involved in. I had garnered quite a following as I tried my best to speak life and encouragement to all who would listen. But today, this day, all I could do was sit, listen, and let my mind take me back to a different place in time. How did I get from there to here? How did I get from THERE to HERE? Just like some of you, life had taken an unpleasant turn and literally knocked the fire out of me. The things that I had encouraged readers to believe about themselves in the original manuscript, I found myself lacking. All the concepts that I taught around seeing yourself the way that God sees you had vanished. A failed marriage led me into a season of depression, self-doubt, and isolation. This opened the door to a vulnerability that settled me into a hasty decision. A decision that I would ultimately regret. I then found myself navigating out of a controlling relationship and another failed marriage. No one realized but now I had been ushered into a state of heavy depression. Many were oblivious to what I was going through as pride almost kept me from reaching out for the help that I so desperately needed. And even after receiving help, fear and shame caused me to relegate myself to the shadows. After all, what could I tell someone now? After all that I had gone through, who would even want to listen to what I had to say? Who would be open to taking advice from someone who was struggling in the very same area? So, the epiphany that led to the remaking of this book started with that one uncomfortable, now wonderful, God-inspired phone call. It made me realize that the woman she was looking for was someone I used to know intimately, yet someone I was destined to get quickly reacquainted with! She ended the phone call by asking that I consider a few things: Sometimes we go through things not only to learn a lesson but for the benefit of others as well. I am certainly not the only one that has suffered challenges, disappointments, and setbacks. We all have a story. However, it is how we handle the rebound and handoff from those times that make the absolute difference. As I make this life journey, I am learning the wonderful power and healing that comes from transparency. If I am open to speak on various traumas that have occurred in my life, fear and shame have nothing to take hold of and can no longer stop me. In addition, if we can learn from the experiences of each other, so much is lost if we are afraid and refuse to share. A person can live and die in silence and isolation with the person that carries their solution and freedom as close as next door, but if they never exchange words and/or ideas, the isolation and death are almost certain. Our lives do not have to be defined by our circumstances or what others have to say about us. Just because there is one season of difficulty, that does not dictate the entirety of our life.