Faith & Fight
An Inupiat struggle with good & evil
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New Year’s Eve. I decided to hire a baby sitter and go out and have fun. The very first party I ended up at I saw one of my brothers’ best friends who I believed would care for me and allow me to ‘live it up’ so I asked him if he can drive for me. I got a smile and an eerie, “of course!” Well, that was my first mistake. And last time I would trust. I should have known better. My life had proved there were people that will fail you and take advantage of you. This would be one of the first times I went back to drinking. I wish I could say it was only this once but unfortunately, with my life choices, it would be the first of many.
Countless times I can remember when I felt scared or uncomfortable growing up. My first memory was needing to use the restroom. There were no lights on in the bathroom. That alone should have scared me. I could smell musty soap in the air. An elderly man who should have cared for me was taking a bath. He wanted me to touch him. The water was barely warm. I was maybe three years old and yet the memory is fresh as if it just occurred. I was so young I didn’t understand what was happening but I certainly knew I didn’t feel okay about it. I wondered why this was happening and rushed to use the bathroom and get out of this despicable room.
Once when I was a grown woman, I confided in a close friend of my mom’s saying I didn’t understand the love my mom had for this elderly man. Her only response was you can’t explain it to your mom because she probably already knows. I thought what? I still don’t understand. What is this silence?
This thought takes me back to a time I wanted to see what my mom would think and if she would support or help in anyway, so I shared a story about a ‘friend’ and what happened to her on New Year’s Eve. Her response was cold and unwavering. She said that my friend was stupid for drinking and trusting. Her eyes were stern and a little distant.
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About the Book
Suffering from loss, first her father who was her hero. Then ten years later the loss of her mother with all the struggles of a hard life 26 miles inside the arctic circle. This is how a young girl from a small town survived and fought to make a better life for her children and future generations. "I was scared and I knew that I couldn’t talk about such things, so I denied it until she believed me. I remember she came into my room smelling of alcohol, and asked me. My room was disheveled as was our conversation. How can I speak of such ugliness? "
About the Author
Crystal F Ferguson Qigñak Breithaupt, an Inupiat, was born and raised in Kotzebue, Alaska. She danced with the Northern Lights Dancers in the 1980’s. She was the curator at the NANA Museum of the Arctic In Kotzebue. As well as a tour host at Saxman Native Village, Alaska. She was the managing editor of the Arctic Sounder, and writer for the Forks Forum. She received her B.S in English Education at Grace University and her M.B.A. at Northcentral University. She is a wife, mother of two sons, a daughter, and has four grandchildren whom she loves with her whole heart.