Who Am I, Lord? Why Me?

I talked to God about my situation – February 2016.
Regarding the situation, allow me to first quote Pastor Nhar Barte’s advice to me:
“2016 is the only year that you can celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary. Try not to miss it; if you do, time will come that you will both regret it.”
Those were his exact words that kept ringing in my ears, getting stronger and louder as our anniversary month was closely approaching. September 24, 2016, was our 25th wedding anniversary, a very significant milestone in our marriage. We only had seven months to prepare. It was ideal to prepare at least a year before the celebration.
While on lunch break at work, sometime in February 2016, I was thinking about what to plan or do, or how to start. My mind was empty, without even a single thought, making me so frustrated. I knew I needed to think and do something quickly, but I was utterly at a loss. I didn’t really know what to do, where to go, or how to produce the money for the wedding anniversary celebration. I became more frustrated when, still, not even a single idea popped up. Adding to the frustration was the fact we should go home to the Philippines the same year, with the money to pay all dues for the turnover of the condominium I purchased four years ago.
Still stuck in this frustrating situation, and holding my phone but not knowing what to browse, I suddenly realized I was on Facebook seeing this couple I’ve known when I started attending church. Their posts were about most of their vacations in the different parts of the world. Seeing those posts triggered me to unintentionally present my concerns to the Lord in a manner I knew was so embarrassingly shameful - and yet I still did.
Out of frustration and desperation, I told the Lord, “How come they could invest in properties and could spend for their many travels, Lord? I know the level of their service to You compared to what I am doing for You! Why do You allow me to experience this severe dryness? This is the year of our 25th wedding anniversary and also the year to travel to the Philippines for the turnover of the condominium! Lord, why?”
That particular day, feeling utterly trapped in this awful situation and not knowing what to do, I couldn’t help but pour my heart out. I knew that what I did was ridiculous – judging others and comparing myself with them. Unfortunately, I did not hear yet any response from God that day.
Three days later, I was on my way home from work and walking towards the Path Train station to New Jersey. While passing by Macy’s, along Broadway Avenue in New York City, before the end of the sidewalk, right before the road, the Lord spoke to me. He answered everything I laid before Him. It was a rhema moment!
He first told me that the couple could spend money on their travels because they invested early on in the properties. Then these were His promises and instructions to me:
“You are going to buy a house.
You will tell the seller that you will add money to provide for your down payment and for your 25th wedding anniversary celebration.
You will pay for the venue to celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary.
And on that very day, I will return the money you spent.
You will go to the Philippines.
You will pay the dues and fees for the turnover of your condominium.”
Those were His exact words in less than a minute. I quickly understood them as He put them in my heart and mind.
I continued to walk toward Path train station, then took the 22-minute train ride to Journal Square.
The train arrived at Journal Square on the lower level, from where I could go up the upper level (street level) to take the bus ride. There are 2 buses that pass our street – bus #30 (which I regularly take) and bus #80. The Lord spoke again for the second time, telling me to take bus #80. When I got on the bus, I was the last passenger to board. Inside the bus, there was only one seat left vacant and my former co-worker’s wife was sitting next to it. I decided to stand close to the door to easily get out fast at my stop. Besides, my street is only 10 minutes away.
For the third time, the Lord spoke again, telling me to sit next to her. I obeyed right away and sat next to her. We greeted each other then she asked me for help. She asked me if I knew someone looking for a house to buy, because she was selling her house to use the money for her younger daughter’s college needs.
My quick response to her was - “Yes, I know someone!”
So she asked, “Who?”
I said, “Me!”
She was probably surprised but believed me, anyway. So, I told her we would see the house that night.
Then, I got off the bus and walked home feeling so elated. I surprised Nanet that we would buy a house that day so she better get ready to go there.
We saw the inside of the house again for the second time and we still liked the place just like years ago. I told her that we would get it, so I asked her the price. She gave me an incredibly good price.
She said, “Is $275,000 okay with you?”
I promptly responded, “Yes, it is fine. Will it be okay with you if I add an amount to your selling price?”
She was quick to answer, “Okay, whatever amount you want to add, I will just sign it. I have no problem with it.”
I was overjoyed to hear her response.