The First One

In the movie Kung Fu Panda, Po, the lazy, clumsy, overweight panda, unexpectedly gets chosen to become the Dragon Warrior, a kung fu master, to save the valley from the evil Tai Lung, the greatest threat to their existence. The movie shows the journey of Po coming into the awareness of who he has always been. When he was selected as the Dragon Warrior, the five protectors of the valley were furious and found it comical because, on the outside, he didn’t have the looks of the Dragon Warrior. He was not athletic or charismatic, and he didn’t fight; why would he? He was the son of a noodle seller. He helped his father, Mr. Ping, a goose, sell noodles in the local market. At least this is who he was taught he was. One of the most touching yet hilarious scenes of the movie is when Po finds out he was adopted by his father. It is hilarious because Po’s friends are surprised, he didn’t know he was adopted. It seems obvious; biologically, a goose is very different from a panda bear in size, behavior, habits, and so on, but could it be possible that Po saw himself as the father who raised him?
As human beings, we become what we believe. Throughout life, our environment shapes us, teaches us, and sometimes limits us, and we adopt the collective impact of our familial, social, and cultural influences on us as our identity. The dictionary defines identity as who or what a person is. In Po’s case, the fact is, he was a giant panda who was raised by a loving father, who happened to be a goose. Po was not a goose. In this chapter, you need to discover the fact of your being. The real you. The original you. Your default settings.
I grew up in Nigeria, West Africa, and was born in a small town called Warri in the south-south region of the country. I am one of the five children of Chief Dr. William Oku Ekeruche. In Warri, everyone knows everyone. Growing up, in a small town, it was not uncommon for people to describe one another by who they were married to or where they worked, or even by an unfortunate circumstance that had befallen them. Yes, Warri was a brutal town to live in if you had an unpleasant life event, because everyone would talk about it, and that event would become the marker by which people identified you and your family. My dad was a medical doctor, and my mom was a dental hygienist. My mom always introduces herself as Mrs. Ekeruche with so much emphasis and pride. You see, my father is from a somewhat prominent family in the south-south region of Nigeria. My uncles and aunties held offices such as chief justice (attorney general) of the state, commissioner (a cabinet post in state government), and local political party leader. My dad was a retired physician. He owned two successful private practices in Warri and in the city of our origin, Obiaruku. So, the name Ekeruche carried weight in my mother’s eyes. It denoted honor, prestige, and class. People will often call her “Dr. Wife.”
In my culture, this is a huge deal; being a doctor’s wife meant you were treated with respect. People assumed you were affluent, and you had influence in society. Nigerian people respect doctors a lot. This was her identity, so it is no wonder that when the ethnic crisis in Warri caused my dad’s private practice to crumble, and we had to move out of our fancy home to a small apartment in the office building above my dad’s practice, she was devastated (and still is). My siblings and I poke fun with her today about her efforts to bring back the glory days. She still makes it a point to introduce herself as Mrs. Ekeruche. She is constantly measuring people’s assessment of her based on whether they remember who she is. Like my mom, it is not uncommon to see women of African descent define themselves by their husbands’ status in society, class, or education. The fact is identity cannot be transferred. Even identical twins have different identities, and no matter how much your spouse, sibling, or friends love you, you cannot possess their identity.
Your identity is not the role you play, what position you occupy, or what you own. It is in the intricate and specific weaving together of your spirit, soul, and body. Your identity comes from within, not from the outside; your identity can only be traced to your origin. From a faith perspective, your identity can only be defined by who you believe your creator is; from a science perspective, your identity is the expression of your DNA; and from a psychological perspective, your identity is the unique interweaving of the neurons in your brain that shape the way you think, feel, and choose. Your identity should not change. Identity is innate, definite, and conclusive. It does not depend on your performance or other people’s opinions. If you define yourself by your job title, spouse, financial status, fame, or role you play, you are susceptible to an identity crisis because all these things can change.
Knowing your identity is crucial for magnificent leadership because you, the person, are the instrument through which your genius moves into a leadership role. Your identity is part of that light. You must understand what makes you, you. You must have clarity on your innate spiritual, biological, and psychological makeup because this is what grounds you. Once you are clear on who you are, you must accept yourself. All of you. Today, we see an abundance of writings on self-love, but I’d like to take it further and settle on self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is agreeing with your innate biological, spiritual, and psychological makeup. This can be challenging because, let’s be honest, there are parts of our biological makeup that are not good, such as a family history of diseases. Also, there are parts of our innate personalities that trip us up in certain scenarios; for example, if your personality type tends to be reserved, it may present a challenge in nurturing relationships. So we tend to want to ignore or discard certain part of ourselves we consider defective instead of humbly accepting our imperfections as the reality of our humanity.
Also, throughout our entire lives, from the educational systems that form us to the images we see in the media, we are constantly being conditioned to believe a narrative about ourselves that is considered optimal but may be different from who we are. All this makes us avoid doing the deep work of gaining clarity on our identity and agreeing with who we are. I always say you don’t have to like all aspects of your genetics and personality, but you must accept and agree with yourself as you are.
It is only after you accept your identity and agree with it that you can then master how you apportion yourself in your leadership role. You see, you can apportion yourself in diverse situations when you know your tools. Your spiritual, genetic, and psychological makeup are the tools you have been handed to live with on earth. They are the parts that make the instrument of you. Some of these parts are fast, slow, sharp, blunt, big, or small. They are all important and serve a purpose. When you understand this and know that you oversee how you use the instrument (you), you can pull out a specific part for a particular role, job, or function. This is a core competency of leadership. This helps you demonstrate the competencies of confidence, self-awareness, self-management, and self-regulation.