The Strong Ones Stay

Chapter Four: Spiritual Warfare
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12, NLT
Spiritual warfare is one of the most important, but also one of the least utilized things we can do for our marriages. Most people I know who have gotten divorced did not do much (if any) spiritual warfare for their marriage. We get so caught up in our feelings when we are hurting that we look at our spouse as the enemy instead of the real spirit behind it. I knew God had clearly called me to marry Josh, but I couldn't understand why our marriage was so painful until I heard a pastor say one time that it's our call that creates the conflict! As believers we know we have an enemy who is constantly on the prowl to see who he can devour. (1 Peter 5:8). His purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). He hates marriage so much he’s always trying to get in between you and your spouse. And once he gets in a little bit, he will find a way to inch in some more, and some more. That’s why we need to always be alert and, on the watch, so we don’t give him any little bit of room to weasel himself in. That’s why Ephesians 4:27 tells us to not give the enemy a foothold.
When Josh first opened up about his relapse, he said the reason was because of all of the stress and financial loss he was going through at work. A few years later he came to me and said it actually started with complacency. He compromised little by little, watching a show that isn’t that great here and there. Stop spending as much time in the word and in prayer. Sleep in when he should have gotten up. It was all about the little compromises before everything blew up in a big way.
But it’s super easy to pray and fight for your spouse when they have hurt you so much it feels like they have pulled your heart right out of your chest, right? Of course not! Full disclosure, nothing in this book is easy. It’s called The Strong Ones Stay for a reason. Body builders don’t just wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and say, “Woah where did all these bulging muscles come from? I have no idea why my veins are bulging out of my biceps!” Or in my case, “Wow my mom pooch is gone suddenly and now I have a six pack!” I wouldn't say no to that but unfortunately that’s not how it works. Your strength is built when you continue to do the hard things, day after day, hour after hour, and sometimes minute after minute.
For me, I had never experienced such intense spiritual warfare as I did when I started praying against addiction. If you don’t think there’s good and evil, a God and a devil, then you have probably never gone through this battle with a loved one. I thought the battle would be easier and not last long, but I was way wrong! Some days all I could do was lay on my face and cry out to God through my tears. This was the most intense spiritual battle I had ever been in. Satan had his clutches in Josh, and he did not want to let go.
Prayer and spending time with the Lord had been an important and special time in my life after becoming a Christian, but in no way would I ever have called myself an intercessor. That was actually Josh’s gift. He was the one who loved prayer meetings that went long into the night and early in the morning. But not me. I loved my one-on-one time with the Lord soaking in His presence, which is very important as well and can be a part of spiritual warfare, but there is a lot more to spiritual warfare than just that. I ended up spending more time in prayer over these years than I ever had before. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t perfect at this. There were many times I would come to God just screaming at Him, asking Him why he would ever tell me to marry this man knowing what I was going to have to go through with him. When I just wanted God to punch him, kick him, or at the very least slap him around a little. The struggle was so hard that there were many times I wanted to give up, that I was tired of the war, but God gave me the strength to keep going. I believe the main reason I was able to not totally give up on Josh and still have some hope God would restore things, is because I kept praying for freedom in his life.
In 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 it tells us, “We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning, and to destroy false arguments.” But what are the weapons that we can use in spiritual warfare to knock down these strongholds? What can we do to help lose the enemy’s grip on our spouse and release them from bondage?