Anxiety, Depression, and Jesus

Chapter 1: The Problem of Right Now “I would’ve taken my life by now if I didn’t have a dog to take care of. Even though I’m not a Christian, I know you’re a pastor, and I thought if anyone would know what to say to me right now–it might be you.” When I saw that my Uncle Dennis was calling, I almost didn’t answer out of fear that I would wake up our newborn. My wife and I were both sleep-deprived, and I was taking the first shift that night, holding my son’s pacifier and watching Seinfeld on minimal volume. Since I had moved away from my hometown 15 years prior, my uncle and I didn't talk very often due to the distance. So his call surprised me. I’m so glad that I answered. He immediately began to share with me that he was under the weight of severe anxiety and depression. He had been suffering for a long time. He lived with chronic pain after a terrible accident at work a few decades earlier that nearly paralyzed him. He had one very close friend, but outside of that, he was isolated and alone. Through tears, he described his agony and then gave me the opportunity to respond. After several years as a pastor, I can confidently say this type of interaction is a thing. At the most unexpected times, people will look to me as if I have access to a lifeline to heaven that they don’t have. I sat for several seconds in the weight of that moment, and the only thing I could think to say was simply, “Uncle Dennis, me too.” I was only six weeks removed from the lowest season in my life, where I also felt the unrelenting weight of anxiety and depression. I’ll share more of my personal story later, but suffice it to say that I was every bit the same as my uncle in that season. But he had no idea. The reality is that not many people around me knew. And nobody around him knew about his suffering until he called me that night. Unfortunately, my uncle’s experience is common. Millions of people—followers of Jesus and non-followers, churched and unchurched—are suffering in their mental health right now, and nobody around them knows. They feel alone in their struggle. They feel like nobody sees them. They feel like they’ve done something wrong. Some may feel like they’re running out of options. A small percentage may muster up the courage to call someone and ask for help. And an even smaller percentage are receiving what they need when they finally reach out. I feel compelled to write this book because I believe there is a significant gap in the conversation on mental health in the church. Most books from both Christians and non-Christians on the topic tend to oversimplify the issue by painting a picture of how to overcome anxiety and depression in a few easy steps. Currently, the ten best-selling books about anxiety have these words in their titles: End, Overcome, Conquer, Eliminate, Silence, Declutter, Change, Get Over, Take Control, and Calm Down. Yes, you’re reading that list correctly. I’ve read it dozens of times and am still surprised that the current approach is overwhelmingly to simply stop it. Cue Bob Newhart on Mad TV yelling, “Stop it! We don’t go there. Don’t do that. Just stop it!” On the one hand, I understand why these books are written and why they’re read. I’ve often bought self-help books hoping to find a nugget or two that could give me the peace I sought. On the other hand, I’ve naively thought at times that if I applied a book’s teachings, my anxiety would be eliminated. I always closed the back cover discouraged because it didn’t do that. And that’s been a massive realization for me on this journey. The idea that we can simply apply an overnight solution to eradicate anxiety, depression, or, more generally, any of our struggles (no matter what they are) is not super helpful, and I would go as far as to say it’s not even biblical. Instead, the Bible teaches us that our suffering and faith often co-exist. We don't just need hope that our suffering will go away. We need hope that even in the midst of suffering, God is still good. My current job description emphasizes the need to solve problems that come up. And anyone who solves problems regularly as part of their job will tell you that to have success, you must first identify the problem. I want to be clear about the problem I’m hoping to address by the end of this book—and it’s not necessarily to help you eliminate your mental health struggle. If you’re looking for that in a book, check out the ten best-sellers above. When you finish this book, I want you to know first and foremost that You. Are. Not. Alone. Despite the variations in each of our stories, there’s not a scenario in the world where you are alone in your struggle with mental health issues. Also, I want you to know that you are not crazy. You may feel crazy at times, I certainly have, but this battle does not mean you are any less-than or that you simply can’t comprehend what other people easily can. You are in a legitimate war, and I want to honor your courage. As a pastor, I want you to know that I too have struggled and can identify with you in many ways. Lastly, I want you to know that there’s a God who is with you. Maybe you’ve heard otherwise. Perhaps you expect that he’s upset with you or that he’s disappointed in your struggle. The truth is, there is a God who promises never to leave you, and he’s sovereign over every minute of your pain and difficulty. He sees you, he loves you, and he will sustain you. The story of Zechariah and Elizabeth is a powerful example of the relationship between suffering and faith. According to Luke 1, this couple longed for a child. However, it was God’s plan to have them wait despite being righteous and blameless in all the commandments. Think about that—it wasn’t their lack of goodness that delayed the answer to their prayer for a child, but God allowed pain and difficulty because he had a line of sight to how it would be used. Their sin didn’t cause their struggle. It wasn’t because they weren’t praying enough. As hard as it would’ve been to comprehend in the moment, they were without children because God knew the timing that was best. Elizabeth eventually gave birth to John the Baptist, who played a critical role in pointing people toward Jesus. When an angel appeared to Zechariah to share news of the upcoming birth, he said, “Your prayer has been answered.” How many thousands of times do you think they prayed for a child? They were faithful for so long, yet they were hurting. So many people are hurting right now. The church has an excellent opportunity to meet hurting people exactly where they are and to point them toward Jesus. However, that’s not happening in so many instances. Too many instances. Instead, the church is adding shame and punishment to the growing list of pains weighing people down. Why is that happening? What can we do to change that? I believe change begins with a conversation. That’s what I’m aiming to do through this book. I want to start a dialogue where we can be honest about the complicated relationship between mental health and the church, look at what the Bible says about it, and find life-giving peace in our pain. I pray through the words on these pages that you feel seen and loved just as you are. Ask Yourself: • Would you say you struggle with anxiety, depression, or another mental illness? • If yes, do you feel like you can talk openly with someone about it? • Write down the names of 1-3 people you can talk to if you ever need to.