Life Brings Hard Choices

I was beginning to make some changes, but I felt like I was still stuck in a rut! It was easier to just keep plodding along, to stay on the same path and stay in the rut instead of making the effort to get out. I may have gotten too comfortable there. I logically knew I couldn’t just keep on doing the same things in the same way over and over and expect to get different results. I knew that the statute of limitations for blaming others for my perceived problems and unhappiness had run out for me! No one but me was responsible for my behaviors and choices. And now, only by looking within my own self, could I successfully grow and change. People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be. —Abraham Lincoln At first, I felt I had the tools and skills at my disposal to get out of the rut by myself. After all, I was relatively intelligent. I could take care of myself. I was strong enough. But I began to gradually realize just how deep the rut was, and how weak I really was. I needed something or someone else to help me get out. So I began searching, and I continued to search for quite some time. If you don’t like something, change it, if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. —Mary Engelbreit I had been listening for too long to music that made me feel sorry for myself, that made me feel like I had been mistreated, rather than listening to songs that were inspiring and uplifting. I was basically “crying in my beer,” feeling like a martyr, singing a somebody-done-me-wrong song, and hearing from others that it wasn’t fair what had happened to me! I had always liked country music, and I still like a lot of it, but I decided to start listening to more gospel music or happy songs, and before long, I realized I had become a big fan of gospel quartets and the Gaither Vocal Band, which was far more uplifting. Change your thoughts and you change your world. —Norman Vincent Peale I bought many, many self-help books, and I read many, many articles as I was trying to find out what was missing in my life and how to fix it. I had several single friends who were kind enough to share their time with me, to invite me to various activities, or to provide moral support. Friends helped tremendously, but there was still something missing. I tried to form new relationships with a few other men, and I even continued to go out with my third ex-husband on occasion, as I had always enjoyed his company and had a good time with him. But something was still missing. I did not have that happiness and contentment I so desperately craved. I was happy at times, but there was no lasting peace and contentment in my life. You don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there. —Edwin Louis Cole One Saturday night, I had gone out to a pub with friends, and somehow, I began talking to a stranger. During the course of our conversation, the subject of religion came up. I discovered he was also a BUICK (Brought-Up-In-Church Kid). We found we had something in common, as we both had experienced failed relationships. We had also both grown up going to church on a regular basis but had gotten out of the habit of going regularly. I had tried several different local churches, but after a few Sundays at each, I did not go back. I had not as yet found a home church in Lexington. So this stranger and I decided we would meet the next day and attend church together, and we did! We decided to meet at Southland Christian Church, which was a large church close to where I lived. I had been there a few times and liked the fact that it was a big church. At that particular time in my life, I just wanted to get lost in the crowd. I didn’t care if anyone knew my name, and I didn’t want people asking me any questions. So, the next day at the Sunday morning service, I met the person I had talked to the night before, and we sat through the service together. On that particular Sunday, the minister’s lesson grabbed my attention, and it turned out to be very meaningful. It was a turning point for me where I began to find greater healing. The lesson was entitled, “Jesus: A Friend of the Brokenhearted.” My own heart had been broken several times, and he was talking to me—or, as I truly believe, Jesus was speaking to me through him. He quoted Sue Monk Kidd, who said, “It’s sad to come to the place in your life where you know all the words, but none of the music.” I felt that so accurately described my life! I cried through most of that sermon. I felt convicted! I realized that was the Holy Spirit at work in my heart. I knew I had not been living according to what my own conscience told me was right and wrong, and for several weeks afterward, I did a lot more crying, both alone and at other church services. I do not know the name of the stranger I had met the night before who attended church with me that Sunday morning, and I never saw him again, but I later thought he was perhaps an angel sent from God.