Beyond the Light

In the silence of the heart, God speaks. Mother Teresa Silence of the heart allows us to hear the whispers that noisy chatter covers up. How can we hear God’s voice if we focus on the voice of judgment and regret inside our own heads? There was a time when I avoided the silence of my heart. A time when the silence of the night found me alone, on my knees in the dark living room at 3:00 AM, begging, pleading with God, “Please, please, God, forgive me. I couldn't see. I didn't see him. Please, God, I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't mean to kill him.” I would beg and plead, cry out in the middle of the night, all while believing I was strong and could handle this trauma by myself in the light of day. We have all caused harm to some degree because we are human. We have caused emotional or physical damage through our actions, as well as our inactions. We have regrets and wish we could reverse time and do something differently. We learn many life lessons from hurting someone and vowing never to repeat that mistake. Sometimes, we can acknowledge our mistakes, transgressions, quick temper, and childish behaviors that have hurt someone. We can address the situation, ask for forgiveness, and make amends. We may or may not be forgiven, but hope and possibility exist. However, sometimes, the consequences of our actions are so significant that we are devastatingly powerless, and our only choice is to live with those consequences. The results are too big to make the situation right, and no apology is sincere enough to change the outcome. It is done, and we are left to sort through the ashes. We sit with the memory of our actions, and our hearts cry out for mercy and relief from the crushing weight of our new reality. How can we live in peace, heal our hearts, and love ourselves and others unconditionally, knowing the harm our actions have caused another person? How do you move through the shame that lingers, creeps into your heart during the silence of the night, retreats for a while, and returns, once again stealing your peace of mind? You are not alone. Hear this; God knows your heart; God hears your cry in the dark; God has already forgiven you. I recently heard this whisper while my mind and heart were quiet, “Believe in the wisdom of your soul.” I'm sharing my journey because I was able to calm the storm, accept forgiveness, forgive myself, and recognize the desire to help others if they are on this journey. I pray my journey helps you find peace. God has given me an incredible story, and I am honored to share it with you. We cannot change the past; however, we can change the future. Notice if you live in a prison of guilt or shame that you have locked yourself into. Notice, and perhaps you will unclench your fist, use the key of God’s grace and mercy, and set yourself free.