Marriage in Every Book of the Bible

Genesis – It's Biblical to Cut the Umbilical Cord

Genesis 24 is the perfect place to start this study. Eliezer, whose name means “God is my help” is Abraham's trusted servant. In verse three and four, we find Abraham instructing his servant, “I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.” Eliezer is a type for the Holy Spirit who draws people to Jesus. Abraham, whom God made the “father of many nations” (17:4-5), is a type for God the Father. Isaac is the Son of promise (Rom. 9:9) and foreshadows Jesus Christ, while Rebekah prefigures the Bride of Christ. Abraham had given everything he owned to his son Isaac whose bride must be from his own people with whom he had a relationship and not from the world of Canaan, a bride pure and holy before God, one not idle but busily occupying (24:16) until the day she sees her Bridegroom. And so, must we (Matt. 25:10).

However, these were real people, and they were all less than perfect in life just like us. I must admit there are so many good examples of how to do and not do marriage in Genesis that I found it difficult to choose just one story. The same goes for parenting. Genesis is filled with so much dysfunction that it's scary how closely it resembles twenty-first century living. Why does God include the good, bad, and ugly in His book? “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope” (Romans 15:4). Hope. It's what I need when I have royally messed up and life seems over. I find forgiveness and hope for a better day in Jesus Christ alone.

Let's begin with the marriage of Rebekah and Isaac. “So they called Rebekah and asked her, ‘Will you go with this man?’ ‘I will go,’ she said” (24:58). Rebekah was serious. She agreed to sever completely close ties with her mother and father and travel to a faraway land to marry a man she had never seen. This action illustrates the importance of God's order for marriage: leaving, cleaving, and becoming one. Since Adam and Eve, this has been and always will be God's perfect plan. However, couples today often undertake step three first thus adding pain, heartache, and confusion into the picture minus God's blessing.

Here it is, plain and simple: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (2:24). It's God's precise order. Often when a couple rearranges the holy order, the umbilical cord remains connected. This in itself creates a host of problems for the couple who should be intent on establishing their own home. For marriage to work, both husband and wife must loosen their ties with their families of origin and establish clear boundaries with those families; and at the same time, form new ties within their marriage and home.

This is not to say that a husband and wife should be completely isolated from their families of origin. Each of us has a responsibility to honor our parents for a lifetime (Ex. 20:12). But we must create and protect clear boundaries with our parents in order to have a strong and autonomous marriage. Before marriage, my parents were just under God in priority in my life. After marriage, my husband moved into that second position, children in third, parents in fourth place.

What can we glean from Isaac and Rebekah's parenting skills? "When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, ‘She is my sister,’ because he was afraid to say ‘She is my wife.’ He thought, ‘The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful’” (26:7). Isaac's father, Abraham, had used the same lie (12:19). Isaac's son, Jacob, lied to him (27:19). Jacob's sons lied to him (37:31-33). A parent's sin often becomes a child's stumbling block. No good parent wants that.

Has this ever happened to you? You're having an argument with your spouse, and you're in each other's faces. Suddenly, you feel a tiny human squeeze between you and see sad little eyes look up at you. Aware or not, you're teaching your children how to do marriage. Those little eyes and ears see and hear so much more than we think they do. There are better things than sin and lying to impart to the next generation in your home.

The doctor severs the newborn's umbilical cord, because that baby has now become separate from its mother. Husband and wife must also be independent of their parents. By the way, rear your children to be healthy independent individuals, capable of making good decisions and providing for themselves so when the time comes, they are able to leave the nest with no strings attached. You should want that for them.

Consider this:

Why does God include the sins of the heroes in the Bible? (Rom. 3:23).

God, the Creator of life, created the divine order for marriage. He is also the “Re-creator” of life when we need forgiveness and help getting on track with His plan.

Are there areas in your life where you're still connected to your parents more than you should be thus creating stress and problems in your marriage? Should boundaries be constructed or reinforced to insure the peace and health of your marriage?

Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Jacob's sons were all caught in lies. We don't help God with our lies. He doesn't need our help. However, He does want us to trust Him and His Word.