Whatever Happened to Miss Herbermen's Class?

CHAPTER 5 Jessie, who sits beside the door with her usual happy smile, said, “Cool, Wendy; you made it before the tardy bell rang!” She had been in every one of Wendy’s classes since kindergarten. Wendy smiled at her as she hurried to pull out her karate black belt so that Wendy could see it. Jessie was the shortest girl in the class and maybe the whole fifth grade. She was a little plump and had bubbly cheeks and bright, smiling eyes. Barbara and Karen once told her that she would lose fat in her teenage years. Eartha added, “—Or, it could stay. If the doctor says you’re all right with the fat, you’re all right.” Wendy said, “Oh wow. You’re doing well in Karate Class.” Miss Herbermen’s attention was distracted from the grade book on her desk. She looked at Wendy. “Wendy, please be quiet and take your seat. You’ve come here a little later than usual. Why start running your mouth?” While Della’s gang exploded with jeering, saying things like, “Miss Herbermen told her,” Wendy sat down. Miss Herbermen told them to be quiet, and they did. Jessie said, “I’m glad she wasn’t late.” With more emphasis, Ms. Herbermen said, “Jessie, be quiet.” Jessie exclaimed with a yawn, “Ho hum. Yep.” We giggled. Miss Herbermen said, “I want it quiet!” It was quiet for three seconds, but then Roger looked at Jessie and said, “Compared to when she usually gets here, Wendy was late.” He looked at Della, who stopped writing to look at him with a smirk. Miss Herbermen commanded, “Go to the Principal’s office, Roger!” The class exclaimed, “Oooo.” “Just take your books and leave!” Miss Herbermen turned her attention to the rest of us. She used complex language while telling us what she wouldn’t “put up with” that day. People call it cussing, cursing, or swearing. The class was stirred up. Miss Herbermen continued, “So if you’re going to act like a fool today, you can just take yourself to the office right now.” Jessie said in her usual sweet-sounding voice, “Miss Herbermen, you cursed. It’s not nice to curse. God doesn’t like when people use profanity. Does he, Wendy?” Della sucked her tongue loudly, rolled her eyes, and looked at Jessie. Wendy was like, “Well, it’s not cursing. It’s rough language. God did give everyone a brain. We can always try to think of better words, even when angry. It’s still possible to slip up anyway. We can ask God to forgive us when we slip up or make any other mistake. But you can tell when someone didn’t even try not to ...” Interrupting, Jessie said, “That’s the truth!” She nodded her head. Then she giggled while Roger went out the door with a disciplinary slip for the principal. Miss Herbermen said, “Jessie, to the principal’s office ... now.” Students gasped and exclaimed quietly. Looking lost and sad, Jessie sat there for a minute. Her mouth hung open for a few seconds. She just sat there, looking at Miss Herbermen, like it couldn’t be happening, like she was sorry for laughing at Roger, and wished she could reverse the whole moment and do things the right way. Miss Herbermen said, “I said, go!” Now, she held a disciplinary slip for Jessie in her hand. “Come and get this disciplinary slip and go!” The class was stirred up but automatically quieted down without having to be told to do it by Miss Herbermen. Brenda whispered, “No, not Jessie. Miss Herbermen is just being mean now.” Barbara whispered, “Jessie should have been quiet, and we should be quiet before we’re next.” Everything was quiet except for the busy sound of papers shuffling in the back of the classroom, where Miss Herbermen prepared to check our work. Suddenly, there were more sounds—Splash. Crack. Tinkle. Then there was cussing from Miss Herbermen again. We turned around to see what was happening. Miss Herbermen’s coffee cup lay broken on the floor. She got up from her desk. Class members practically held their breath when Ant and Dinky walked to the back of our classroom to Miss Herbermen. A light little whistle escaped Dinky’s lips. Ant picked up the pieces of the broken cup for her and used the brown paper towels Dinky had collected from the dispenser to start soaking up the coffee. Miss Herbermen was already using tissue from a box on her desk to clean up a splash of coffee near the grade book. Dinky went to get more paper towels. Dinky stopped. With his hands full of brown paper towels, he said, “Look, Miss Herbermen. I know you have a lot to do, and you may already be tired from the workweek so far, but relax. Kick off your shoes.” Brenda’s head fell to one side when Miss Herbermen slipped her shoes off. “There, now. Isn’t that better?” Ant coughed as he stood beside Dinky. Dinky glanced at Ant, almost rolled his eyes, and said, “He’s probably just allergic to your fragrant foot powder. Don’t you want to slip your blazer off? The heating system has kicked in. It’s a little extra warm in here, to me. Doesn’t that feel better?” He’d helped Miss Herbermen out of her blazer. “—There, now. –See? All you need to do is relax.” Cheryl said, “I can’t believe my eyes ... or ears. She’s listening to them.” Dinky said, “I know you must be tired from all that walking to the teacher’s lounge.” He put a pillow from the closet under Miss Herbermen’s feet. Ant was trying to lean her chair back against the wall while she was sitting in it, but he wasn’t strong enough. He looked at Dinky and said, “Give me a hand, man.” Those in the class who weren’t afraid to look appeared amazed at what they saw. Miss Herbermen seemed calm, accepting that they were trying to help her relax. Dinky and Ant finally leaned her chair off of its two front legs. All of a sudden, Miss Herbermen seemed to be alert again. She shouted, “Hold on, boys! Put the chair back down.” Ant and Dinky fell out of sync on the task when she said it. Brenda mumbled, “Look, they’re about to drop Miss Herbermen. They probably got thrown off when she yelled at them.” As if the situation was easily fixable, Dinky droned, “Hold on, man.. Let’s just sit her back down,” but they could no longer handle Miss Herbermen’s weight. The chair fell from their hands towards the wall. The wall wasn’t as close as they had thought. Miss Herbermen’s weight was entirely on Ant and Dinky when the chair missed the wall. As petite as she was, her weight still made the chair slide suddenly on the floor. Ant and Dinky hadn’t expected that and weren’t ready for it. Miss Herbermen and her chair fell backward onto the floor, and everybody looked when the sound filled the classroom. Shclahboom! She was still in the chair, in a sitting position. Her lips were scrunched over gritted teeth. Her face was turning red. Her eyes were squinted angrily. That’s when Ant swallowed and quietly exclaimed, “Uh oh.”