A Meeting in the Air

“Oh, David, they’re beautiful. How did you get God to put some of His paradise right here in your back yard?”

“He put it here long before I bought the land, Trish, but to put it in the words of a song from the mid-seventies, ‘You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!’’’ I led Trish to the start of the wooded pathway, not knowing which captivated me more, the splendor of nature’s beauty or the beauty of the Trish’s splendor. It seemed time for a rapture drill.

“I’m nervous, David,” Trish shyly admitted.

“Well let’s just cast that lie of Satan out,” I asserted.

She stopped, turned toward me, and looked intently into my eyes before speaking. “You’re learning aren’t you David?”

“I think so Trish. At least I’m trying to.”

“I can see you are. You must keep it up, seek knowledge, wisdom and revelation. The spirit world is our battleground. If we can win there, and we can, then the victory will just naturally spill over into the physical world. But that’s not what I’m nervous about. You know what it is, don’t you, dear?”

“I don’t believe I’m certain, Trish. All I do know is if you’re uncomfortable, we can go back to the house or somewhere else. I would understand if you’re not ready to trust me one hundred percent yet.”

Trish resumed the slow deliberate walk, looking straight down the path. “That’s not what I meant. I trust you explicitly. It’s not you that’s causing me to be nervous. Right now, my heart is pounding, but I would rather say what I’m about to, and risk losing you, than not say it and be less than honest with you.”

I squeezed her hand gently and said, “I doubt you could tell me anything that would cause me to withdraw my feelings for you, Trish. Please believe me.”

“David, what I’m feeling right now; what’s causing me mental and emotional discomfort; what I need to tell you; and what I need to work and pray through is...is the fact that ever since my divorce I have wondered about not being able to give myself to any man the way I did to Frank. Also, not knowing if I could be, or allow myself to get that close to a man again. For that matter, I’ve wondered if I could ever marry again – once these mental blocks were overcome. Do you understand that? Maybe it’s unfair to expect you or any man to understand my dilemma.”

She waited for my reply. Slowly I started. “I think, first of all, you’re underestimating men in general, and me in particular. Secondly, you might likewise be underestimating God’s healing power, not to mention the healing that comes from time.” I chose my words carefully, trying to reassure Trish of my concern.

“Next, you need to know two things about me, my dear Trish. First, I certainly hope I’ve not added any pressure on you in any way. I don’t believe I have verbally, but maybe unintentionally or through body language or something. I’m certain we have a future ordained by God. If that’s marriage, which I might add even makes me nervous, God will reveal that at the appointed time. If not, well, He’ll reveal that also.

“The other thing you should know is you are not alone in the situation you just described because I can’t present myself a virgin to any woman I might marry. I regret that, but it’s a fact I just can’t alter. I deliberately and regrettably sustained a self-inflicted loss of virginity. No excuses because although I was not always a Christian, I was an adult. Until now I haven’t really thought much about it, especially knowing it’s under the blood of Jesus. If He’s forgiven me – and He has; and if I’ve forgiven me – and I have; and if you forgive me, then I’m completely forgiven.

“Frank lost his chances for what I would consider to be a lifelong, romantic, exciting life with you by refusing your love. I pray to God I’ll someday be the recipient of all the love I know you hold inside your heart. Maybe in cases like this, God gets two people together who can understand and relate to each other’s past experiences. Remember this my dear, beautiful Trish, you went into your marriage with a commitment Frank apparently didn’t have. That’s not a blemish or spot. That’s not even your fault.

“Trish, there’s the one big difference between your case and mine, you don’t need forgiveness. You need understanding. Understanding by you to not to feel guilty, or like you are damaged goods, which you’re not. Understanding on my part, to accept you wholly and completely, just as you are. I promise you that understanding and acceptance, no matter what the future holds for us. Can I ask the same in return?”

Trish stopped again, faced me with tears streaming down her cheeks, looked up at me and nodded in agreement, then threw her arms around me and held me as tight as possible. We held the embrace for several minutes. All the while I could feel the heaving of her deep cry as she released all the hurt, anguish and fear.

“Oh God,” I cried, just barely loud enough for Trish to hear. “Help me to be all the man she needs, and all that You want me to be.” We wept, locked in each other’s arms.