Successful Keys to the Marriage Journey

Chapter 1 A Divine Institution Marriage is the first divine institution established and ordained by God, according to Genesis 2:21–25. Within the marriage institution, God established the family. The God-ordained marriage is God’s foundational institution of human society. Every institution has governing orders. In this sacred institution of marriage, almighty God Himself pronounced the order. In God’s pronouncement of marriage between husband and wife is a relationship that takes precedence over every other human relationship. In marriage they are to “cleave” (i.e., glue) to each other as a gift consecrated to God; this means that the husband gives himself completely to his wife, and the wife to her husband. They are no longer just “me and you”; they are “we” because they are as one. One flesh signifies a physical, sexual bonding and a lifelong relationship. They are still two persons, but together they are as one, according to Ephesians 5:31 (KJV). “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This doesn’t mean they no longer respect and include the extended relatives as family; it just means their priorities have changed. The holy scriptural order is God, spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and all people. It also doesn’t mean that they cease being individuals. Marriage is a holy union composed of individuals with unique needs, thoughts, and behaviors. When individuals marry, the relationship they knew with each other before becomes something different, something they had not seen in each other. Suddenly, the lovebirds see a surprise package that may not be so appealing to them. The needs of the individual begin to strongly show up. And by nature, we are a needy people. And survival depends on who is at the center of our lives, individually and collectively. You cannot be the center of your own life and the center of attention and expect a successful marriage. Nor can you make your spouse or children the center of your life and be in order and successful in building up your family. Jesus gave the instruction He wanted us to follow for success in everything in Matthew 6:33 (NIV). “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” God must be first. Having God at the center of our lives is paramount. We are created by God with a fundamental desire and longing for stability, dependability, and fruitful fellowship with God, and our nature shows this need. Since God created us in His image, with His nature imprinted on us, we innately strive to fulfill the hunger for stability, intimacy, and fruit in our relationships. We can only reach this in its entirety in our eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. It is according to God’s Word as it is given to us in Philippians 4:13 (KJV). “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The kind of consciousness Christians must have is submission to Jesus Christ. The most needful thing for us to do is shed all our self-sufficiency, realize our weakness and sin, and accept the salvation of our Lord’s free grace. Regrettably, people have failed to live up to the image of God within ever since the fall of Adam and Eve. It’s through willful misrepresentation of our God-given need for stability, dependability, intimacy, and productivity, so much so that we miss what God intended for us. As a result, we substitute immediate gratification and selfishness for stability, and if we aren’t careful, we will choose cheap sexual relationships and illicit romance rather than fulfilling sexual and emotional intimacy within the limits of marriage. It is a great mistake. These kinds of substitutes can only add up to sin, hurt, blame, and estrangement from God. There can be no replacement or substitution for marriage that God put together. It will not work; it is a waste of time and time to repent. What is needed at that junction is God’s forgiveness for turning our backs on God’s institution. Yet we also need forgiveness from others. We serve a good and gracious God, but His pattern must not be deviated from that of the world and the flesh. We were created to be in committed relationships, first with God and second with spouse and family. A Christian marriage should be a place of love, delight, grace, and pleasure. Yet more often than ever, sadly, we can witness that this is not the case at all. Unfortunately, many Christian marriages are in just as much terrible turmoil and suffering as non-Christian marriages. As a pastor, it is my experience that they all seem to follow the same pattern. They meet, they date, they are on cloud nine in love, and they cannot stand to be apart for very long without an insatiable longing to see each other. Everything is beautiful. They talk and agree, they give each other compliments, and they show their love and concern in a million ways. After months or years of this kind of dating, they just can’t stand to be apart, so they set the wedding date and tie the knot. Now they are together as husband and wife, and it is completely different than boyfriend and girlfriend.