How to Deal with Betrayal the Godly Way

Introduction

I decided to write this book on betrayal because as I journey through life and go about counselling people, I see people being untruthful, people being betrayed, people deceiving others, and so on. Since the world began, individuals have been untruthful toward one another. This is not new. However, when it happens to you, you feel as if you are the only one going through a betrayal. Let me assure you that you are not the only one. We have all been through one betrayal or the other, and it is called life. As we continue to live life and love people, people will come our way with impure intentions, with good intentions, or with motives that are not right.

We all have concealed hurts that only God can truly see. We might not talk about what happened to us with anyone, but God knows, and He sees. Concealed offenses come from recollections of our past mistakes and emotional or psychological pain. For everyone reading this book, the remembrance could be one of torment, distress, anguish, agony, mockery, sadness, torture, discomfort, self-blame, regret, or repulsion. These are all negative feelings that weigh one down. There are five different kinds of relationship. So, if you have been hurt, it will be from one of these, namely romantic, spiritual, business or work, friendship, and family. If someone is going to hurt you, it will be from one of these categories too.

I wanted to write a book that looks at how to deal with betrayal in a biblical manner for us as children of God.

When you have been betrayed or hurt, you must be careful whom you share your story with. Sharing it with someone who has no compassion for your plight can be problematic. The person might just say something that would further set you off in a negative way. What I mean is the person might reply insensitively to something that hurt you, and this might make you regret speaking out. You might then decide not to talk about your pain again, and keeping things bottled in is not good for us.

The thing about betrayal is that it is the people who are closest to us who betray us the most.

Our enemy, the devil, cannot have a foothold in our lives without an open door somewhere. Sometimes those who betray us are not rivals but loved ones, those we have helped, close relations, friends, work colleagues, someone we have confided in, or neighbors. Matthew 10:36 says, “and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.”

Many times, as Christians, we are told to pray it through, let it go, forgive, and forget. Truth be told, it is not easy to behave as if one has not been hurt when one has. There is a process involved before one can honestly move on without holding on to any resentment. Human beings are not robots, so letting go might be difficult for some people, and they might find it tough to do so initially.

Likewise, to pretend that nothing happened can also be a hard pill to swallow. I am of the opinion that it is not healthy to not allow people to express their feelings or emotions in a safe manner.

People need to be able to express their hurt in a safe place, with someone that they trust or someone who would listen to them without judgment (a counselor or therapist). It only causes more emotional and psychological damage to the aggrieved person in the long run if emotional hurt or betrayal has been bottled in without an outlet.

This book comes from a place of personal experience and what I have learned over the years about being betrayed and being hurt as a child of God. However, as I counsel people, I notice that a lot of people have not had the opportunity to deal with the betrayal they have been through in whatever way is best for them as a child of God. And so, months or years down the line, the residue of the betrayal is still lingering on.

There are a lot of Christians dealing with issues of betrayal, unforgiveness, hurt, and bitterness inside them, going about their lives. The church, you, and I need to be healed of what has happened to us in the past, so that we can live a fulfilled life in Christ.

Is it easy to deal with a breakup? Is it easy to deal with someone close to you backstabbing you? Is it easy to find out someone has been saying negative things about you behind your back? Is it easy to walk away from a business deal where you were betrayed? Is it easy to deal with a breach of trust? Is it easy to be led off work without notice? Is it easy dealing with bereavement, through no fault of the dead person? Is it easy having financial problems because of the addiction of a partner? Is it easy walking away from a house that was once yours? Is it easy to be booted out of an organization for something you did not do? Is it easy to forget an abuse? Is it easy suffering an illness or injury through no fault of your own?

Is it easy being declared bankrupt because of a partner’s mistake? Is it easy dealing with a divorce? Is it easy to forgive a stranger who hurt your family member or child? Is it easy to be lied about? Is it easy to forget a traumatic experience from your past? Is it easy to just walk away when you have been hurt? Is it easy to forget such a betrayal? Is it easy to forgive such a betrayal?

The answer to all these questions is no; it is not easy. I am typing this out with a heavy heart, as I think of the enormity of what so many of us have been through. God feels our pain.