Think Again before You Say “I Do”

Introduction

As the ninth child of my father, Loren, and the fourth of my mother, Mervis, I was born on the island of Jamaica, in the parish of Saint Thomas, in the community of Aeolus Valley.

Growing up was, as is the case with many children of the world, very challenging. There were the normal challenges of school and community, and there were the challenges I had to face within our home.

The reason for this book, Think Again before You Say “I do”, I would say, has its foundation in the experiences I had while growing up with my mom and dad. These were two lovely people with very flawed character traits. It is evident to me now that my parents had no idea how negatively certain actions of theirs were impacting us, their children. My dad was well beloved in the community; he was a police officer with a very friendly disposition. He was never too busy to take time out for counseling anyone who would seek his advice. You might call him the community social worker. My mom, on the other, hand was more focused on what mattered for her and those she chose to care for. However, it is true that all that glitters is not gold. You see, while on the outside in the community my dad was celebrated, there were parts of his character that were always in question. How could the most cordial, friendly community personality be the same person who was the community drunk? How could he be one of the men who were unfaithful to their wives? And how could this man who was friendly to everyone not find peace with his wife?

In our home, there were always disagreements; a friendly man and an unhappy wife who was naturally unfriendly to everyone who was not part of her own family were not a comfortable combination. Yes, my dad was kind, friendly, and a peace officer, but he was also a wasteful spender. His free spending and our mother’s social and fiscal conservativeness were always at odds, not to mention his promiscuous lifestyle.

There were those of the community who questioned his fidelity to our mother. My siblings and I several times met other children in the community who bore so strong a family resemblance to us that we, as children of our father, would question whether or not these were other siblings of ours.

The frequent disagreements and verbal fights between our parents were so impacting that I have a vivid recollection of an older brother of mine once asking my dad why he married our mom. Not only did our dad have these unsavory behaviors, but our mom was also a controlling and difficult character. All these things, plus the observations I made after seeing the lifestyle patterns of other couples, led me to question whether there was anything called a happy marriage.

As the product of an unfaithful father, I became an unfaithful man. It seemed natural to me to practice what I had seen other men do. When I grew up, I dated several women at the same time, and having had sexual encounters with each of them seemed natural and okay. This was a lifestyle legacy of home and community. My encounter with Jesus Christ changed it all. Now I have developed a godly perspective about intimacy and marriage. It is therefore my sincere hope and desire that those who read this book will conclude that it is truly wise to think again before they say, “I do.”