Grief Relief

Nothing can tear you down more than feelings of guilt or responsibility. I remember these feelings after my middle sister and my husband died. I couldn't help but think that there was something more I should have done. Intellectually I knew that the cause of their death was way beyond my control, but that didn't stop me from having those guilty feelings nonetheless. Remember, there will be plenty of 'I should have' or 'I wish I would have.' I must have run that scenario in my head hundreds of times after my last sister died unexpectedly. I've learned that you can't beat yourself up about the things that did not happen no matter what the reason is. There is no value there. Instead, filter through the halls of your mind and find all of the good things that did happen. Let those memories become food for your mind, building blocks for your body, and healing for your spirit. You must leave no room in your life for feelings of guilt or responsibility.

Suffering a loss great or small can often leave you facing an uphill battle that may not be easy to climb. The climb is especially hard when the loss is someone to which you had a significant bond with, or great affection for. But even in our deepest pain, we should not despair. Grief is our body’s natural response to loss. You will undoubtedly experience an array of emotions during that process and no two people are alike. Though we spend little time thinking about them, there are spiritual, physical, and behavioral aspects as well to grief that we must not forget. For there to be true healing, we must treat the whole person by treating the mind, body and soul.

In all cases though, it is good to know that we have hope. There are lots of professional organizations, programs and perhaps even books that are designed to help those who may need professional assistance. This guide however; is not intended to give professional advice and should not be taken as such. It is only a compilation of some of the things that I have found, that when I put them into practice, proved to be a tremendous help to me. While all of these suggestions may not be for everyone, you may find that some of them are exactly what you need. I strongly encourage you to try some them and see for yourself. Who knows, you may be surprised. But before we talk about the healing exercises, we’ll take a glimpse at what I’ve noticed over the years on how I grieved during my losses. The experiences were as unique as my relationship to those I lost. One thing I learned that I want you to remember is to be kind to yourself. Don’t impose any time limits on your healing process. Let it take as long as it takes. Know that here is no ‘normal’ or prescribed amount of time to grieve. I can tell you from my own experience of watching not only myself, but also my family members as well, that the grieving process was different depending on the age group, what we believed, and even the way we thought. It was in that time that I came to realize that the people in my support network often knowingly and unknowingly played a role in my healing process.

Embrace the pain when it is from the loss of a loved one. They are worthy of your grief so don’t hold back; however do not despair. You will experience happiness and hope again. You will find that while there is no getting back to the normal you once knew, you can move forward and resume some of your regular routines. Life is for the living, so by the grace of God, live it.