A Life Regained:
Breaking Free From Anorexia Nervosa
by
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From the time I was eight, I knew I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t the perfect child that every Pastor is expected to bring up. Knowing this, I vowed to become the poster child for perfection. And what better way to do that than to become the embodiment of every woman's dream, and every man's expectation. I would become skinny. I would do this with perfect control and health consciousness. Never did I expect my well intentions to become something entirely different. Nor did I notice in the slightest that I was no longer the one in control. Anorexia weaseled its way into my life without detection, and took over. I lived for years in the clutches of this ruthless dictator while still under the impression I was the one in control. Ignoring my ever deteriorating body and mind. It wasn’t until my trip to the ER that my parents were finally able to force me into the process of recovery. A process which I fought tooth and nail for at least the first month. There were countless breakdowns, panic attacks, bouts of motivation that disintegrated the moment a single calorie entered my body, and an overwhelming fear of what I would become if I could no longer cling to anorexia for identity. Was it possible to be free from anorexia, but not have to let it go? If not, would I be strong enough to make the choice that scared me so much I physically recoiled at the mere thought of it? Would I be able to prove to myself that I wasn’t too far gone, and the girl locked deep inside this emaciated frame was a person worth saving?
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About the Book
At nineteen years old, and one month into marriage I found myself in the ER. I was so emaciated my heart was at risk of giving out at any moment. How had this happened to me? I knew my loved ones would see this as the last straw, and force me into recovery. This just couldn’t happen! Not while I was still the fattest anorexic in existence! I was humiliated, confused, and terrified as I slowly began to accept the fact that I couldn’t live like this anymore without dying. If I wanted to live to see twenty, I would have to leave behind the eating disorder that had become my identity, and plunge headlong into the horrifying uncertainty of recovery.
About the Author
Having overcome the grip anorexia had on me I’m living my life as every human being deserves to live: happy, free, and to the fullest. My aspiration now consists of being the best wife, daughter, sibling and friend to all the amazing people in my life, as opposed to decreasing the number on the scale. I have found true peace and will continue to follow my passion for helping others with similar struggles do the same. It is my hope and prayer that my story will encourage those on the path to recovery, and remind them that they are not alone in the the things they feel. They’re not insane, and no one is trying to brainwash them or ruin their lives, and someone does understand! I also hope this book acts as a small window into the anorexic mind, and provides some form of outline for the support system of the recovering anorexic to follow. No one should have to feel they’re approaching such an important role blind. But my greatest desire of all for this book is that it would be a beacon of hope for all who read it. Not everyone will face anorexia, but everyone will face hardship. There will come a point in everyone’s life when they’re not sure if they’ll be able to survive what they’re up against. When those moments come, when they feel there’s no where for them to turn because their situation is far too dire, my hope is that they’ll remember my story and know that no one is too far gone to be saved.