Same-Sex Attractions: Now What?

God created us as sexual beings. Our sexuality is certainly part of who we are. However, I believe one of the biggest lies our culture is telling you is that your attractions and feelings define who you are. This is not true. You are so much more than your sexual attractions. If you are a believer, the Bible has a lot to say about who you are.

A couple of years ago someone asked me, "Are you gay, straight, or bisexual?" Their question took me by surprise, and I didn't know how to answer them. Later I realized the reason I didn't know how to answer was that I don't use any of those words to describe my identity. I view myself as a chosen child of God who is loved and accepted by God Himself. I view myself as a husband, father, and son. Yes, I've dealt with SSA much of my life and will likely to some extent for the rest of my life, but those attractions do not define my identity.

Growing up, I was the scrawny unathletic kid who threw a ball 'like a girl.' From middle school on I was almost daily called names like "Fairy Gary." We all know if we are told something long enough, we start to believe it. At the same time, I would look at 'buff' guys and wish I looked like them. Over time this wishing and admiring turned into an attraction. Into this mix add that I longed for guys to accept me. Even though I had a close relationship with my father, I craved the acceptance and approval of guys my age. The bottom line is that I had an identity issue. I stress this because I'm completely convinced that our identity is the real issue and our identity in Christ as believers is the key to dealing with SSA in a Godly way.

Gaining victory is not about five simple steps but a process, a journey. When I started my ministry a friend who is a recovering alcoholic encouraged me to remind people that the journey to victory is not easy. However, it is a journey that is so worth it. It is a difficult journey with ups and downs, high and lows, successes, and failures. But we know that ultimately, we are victorious in Christ.

It is important to emphasize from the beginning that victory does not mean you won't be tempted or that you won't sin again. We are all tempted and will deal with temptations because we live in a fallen world. Just as important we need to state that the goal is not to become heterosexual. The goal should be to become more like Jesus and to pursue purity in every area of our life. Your attractions may or may not change in the process.

At the height of my struggle, I had more failures than successes. When I failed Satan loved to bind me up in shame. I needed to remind myself that Jesus' blood not only forgave my sins but set me free from the power of sin and made me a new creation.

What victory did mean for me was gradually learning how to focus on who I was in Christ and allow His acceptance and love to meet my needs. Again, keep in mind this is a journey and a process, not a quick fix. You will have days when you feel like giving up. We all have those days. That is when having someone to talk to is important. We all need someone who will listen to us without passing judgment, encourage us, and point us to the truth.

One of the biggest lies our culture is telling you is that your attractions define who you are. Our culture tells you and me that if we experience SSA then it is a done deal – we must be gay. Therefore, our culture concludes that we should just embrace and celebrate that identity. I completely disagree with this viewpoint.

We all believe lies about ourselves. These lies may come from many different sources but ultimately, they come from the father of lies. The only way to counter these lies is to focus on the truth found in Scripture. If we are believers, we need to see ourselves as God sees us. He sees us as justified, righteous, holy, and blameless.