Giving Encouragement For The Deserts of Life

Within the pages of this book, we share insights on how to encourage others effectively, inspired from the Biblical story of Moses and Jethro…..

(from Chapter 1)….Jethro initiated contact with Moses in the desert. He did not wait for Moses to ask for help. He did not expect Moses to inquire about advice. Jethro anticipated that Moses was struggling in multiple ways and he went to Moses offering assistance.

Jethro seemed to understand that most people, especially those in leadership, are reluctant to ask for help. We want to solve problems on our own. Even when we feel overwhelmed by hardships, drowning in negative emotions, it is difficult to ask others for help. Perhaps the self-image of having to be strong, or the anxiety of being judged, causes us to not ask.

Moses certainly was lonely, being alienated from his family. The people he loved most were not with him. How difficult to be in the wilderness day after day without the loving arms of his wife and the laughter of his children. Did he lose sleep at night worrying about them, longing to be with them or to just hear their voices? ….. How do you respond when someone you care about is struggling in a desert? …. initiate contact……don't expect that the weary person will ask…

(from Chapter 3)… Many people, in a genuine effort to help someone who is facing a desert experience, are premature in giving instruction or constructive criticism. We are often impatient in dialogue and press the person to find a solution. We do not allow the individual the time and energy to slowly process feelings by offering a listening ear.

The most significant growth comes from the cathartic opportunity to share their personal pain and be genuinely heard….. You may not have helpful advice to offer. The complexities of the other person's dilemma may be greater than your knowledge. Solutions may not be readily available. But the tonic of genuine listening sustains the soul and gives a reason to keep pressing forward.

(from Chapter 6) … Most of us like quick easy solutions. We don't want to invest the time and energy required to carefully observe and analyze the data. We prize speed and efficiency….. Perhaps you recall a time when some well-meaning individual offered you advice which was not useful and maybe it was even harmful. The person intended to help you solve a problem, but had not taken the time to really know you or assess your actions effectively. The advice was like spitting in the wind, a waste of your good time. It was particularly irritating when you did not want help and the advice was unsolicited. When I was going through cancer treatments in 2005, I experienced this firsthand. During some of the incidents, I was able to laugh inside. Other interactions threatened to be more detrimental to my recovery. It would always start with someone asking, “How are you doing?” And I soon found out that with that question, people were not interested in HOW I WAS DOING as much as they needed to use that phrase as an introduction to telling me someone else's “cancer war story”. Most of those stories would end with that cancer patient's demise in some form or other.

One day, a friend asked me THE question, "How are you doing?” I immediately prepared my thoughts for the worst. After asking the question, she followed up quicky with “Harry from our church had that prostrate (sic) cancer. He got radiation and now he walks like this….” and she regaled me with a demonstration of a cowboy's bowed-leg walk that would have made even Roy Rogers smile!....

(from Chapter 9)…..Advise gently and wisely as the writer Samuel Taylor Coleridge stated, “Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.”