A GRATEFUL LIFE

TEDDY
“Theodore Dennis Folk”
(1951 – 1964)
I believe the course of my life was determined even before I was born. Theodore Dennis Folk was born on December 11, 1951, the first child of my parents, Clifford and Joan Folk. Tragically, Teddy was born with serious birth defects – spinal bifida with hydrocephalus. He would be bed-ridden, flat on his back for all eleven and a half years of his life, confined to an institution. Unfortunately, medical science in the early 1950’s had not progressed to the point where anything could be done to improve Teddy’s condition.
Mom told the horrifying story of waiting in her room at the Reading Hospital to see her baby for the first time. The nurse came in with a beautiful baby boy, walked past my mother’s bed, and presented the child to Mom’s roommate, who had given birth about the same time. Mom asked the nurse, “When will I get to see my baby?” The nurse, obviously uncomfortable with the question, turned and walked out of the room without saying a word. Mom knew instantly that something was terribly wrong.
Mom and Dad were devastated by the news. I can’t imagine a greater shock for new parents. Having a child whose needs were as extensive as Teddy’s changed their lives completely and decimated the dreams they had for their son. There was no doubting the love they had for Teddy, and the fact that they would have done anything they could to get him the care he needed. But they were extremely limited in their options. Teddy would require institutionalized care for the entirety of his life, and they were not in a financial position to be able to afford medical care.
There was no recourse but to admit their son to a state facility, and that place would be Penn Hurst State Hospital in Spring City, Pennsylvania, northeast of Philadelphia, about an hour’s drive from Reading. Penn Hurst did not have the best of reputations, but it was their only alternative. The facility was originally called The Eastern Pennsylvania State Institution for the Feeble-Minded and Epileptic when it opened in 1903. It housed patients with a variety of needs, but primarily severely mentally and physically disabled individuals. As early as the 1960’s, while Teddy was still in their care, there were numerous lawsuits filed against Penn Hurst with accusations of patient neglect and abuse. The facility later closed in 1987.
Nevertheless, Mom would always speak highly of the nurses and staff at Penn Hurst for the attentive care they provided for Teddy. They would have settled for nothing less. I never heard them complain. Mom and Dad made regular trips to visit Teddy, and the nurses always expressed high praise for their patient, citing Teddy’s pleasant demeanor, cooperative spirit, and intelligence. Occasionally, my sister, Eileen, and I would ride along on those excursions, but we were never permitted to enter the building to visit Teddy. Mom would visit, while Dad stayed with us in the car, and then they would switch places. My childhood memory of Penn Hurst was not a positive one by any means. It was a dreadful and frightening place to me.
On one occasion, I remember my parents bringing Teddy home and setting up his crib in one of the bedrooms upstairs. Mom decided that she wanted to have closer contact with her son, and she wanted to try to care for Teddy herself. But his needs exceeded the level of care that even she, who had a superb gift for caregiving, could offer. After a few weeks, Teddy had to be returned to Penn Hurst, which was a very sad day for Mom especially. Those few days Teddy spent at home are the only memories I have of seeing Teddy and spending any time with him.
When Mom became pregnant with me in November of 1952, Dad purchased a #2056 Lionel freight train with six cars, including an engine and coal car, in hopeful anticipation of the birth of a healthy child. On August 11, 1953, twenty months to the day after Teddy was born, I made my entrance into the world. Apparently there was great rejoicing in the household when I, a healthy child, entered the family. Dad set up the train set on a platform in the basement, with a village surrounding the tracks, for my first Christmas a few months later, which reappeared annually throughout my childhood.
“A Brother’s Influence”
How did Teddy impact the course of my life? For one, the difficult situation of his disability put a tremendous strain on my parents’ marriage, which is certainly understandable. When I was a little older, I “did the math” and realized that Teddy was conceived out of wedlock. Yes, this happened in those days as well. I suspect that there was some guilt involved, especially with Mom but possibly also with Dad, that they may have perceived that God was punishing them in some way with Teddy’s abnormal birth. Let me clearly state that I don’t believe in a God who responds in such a harsh and judgmental way to such indiscretions; instead, He offers us grace and calls us to responsibility for our actions, also providing us with the strength to handle our challenges. Mom and Dad married on May 5, 1951, seven months before Teddy’s birth, and certainly loved their first son and cared for him as best as they possibly could.
More personally, even in my early years, I realized that high expectations had been placed on me to do well in my studies and to succeed in life. At a young age, I knew that college was expected to be a part of my future. I always did well in school and brought home report cards with excellent grades, but if a “B” appeared on the card, I was “gently encouraged” to come back next term with an “A” in its place. As I was growing up, I always felt that my parents were extremely protective of me, which I rebelled against in my teenage years … but in retrospect, I understand why my parents sheltered me somewhat.
The most significant impact Teddy’s life had on me, which has become clearer to me as my life has progressed, is the profound sense of survivors’ guilt that has afflicted me throughout the years. Why was Teddy the one born with a devastating health condition, and not me? Why was I the one who could run and play ball and attend school and enjoy all the wonderful experiences of life, while Teddy was imprisoned in his bed his entire life, denied those opportunities? That has been a heavy burden for me to bear.