Diary of a Serial Cancer Survivor

Foreword I was 21 when I was first diagnosed with cancer. 8 years later, I was diagnosed with a second cancer, totally unrelated to the first. The shadow of cancer has been on me for half of my life now. However, there cannot be shadows where there is no light. My husband, Gerald, my family, my friends and my faith have been the lights in my life reminding me to focus on what really matters – love and relationships. These things, cancer can never take away. While healthy and blessed with a happy marriage and 2 lovely children, compiling and editing this book and reliving the moments has been difficult. But, I hope that sharing my diary will help those who are suffering find the words to process their experience and to explain their experience to their loved ones and caregivers. I hope that they will feel less alone in their journey as they follow mine through this book. I hope that the songs curated into a Spotify playlist and their lyrics written within each chapter of this book will encourage and lift the spirits of all who are going through a difficult time. At the Beginning So, this is the start of my cancer journey. Yesterday I woke up and realised that this reality isn’t going away; I have cancer, this isn’t a bad dream. I was in a daze, and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I felt the heaviness of all that I’m losing and will need to grieve – for one, the fact that my life will never be the same again. Suddenly, I am confronted with my mortality and all my assumptions about how my life would turn out have been thrown by the wayside. As my friends continue with their lives; the life that I thought I had, I’m sitting on this pause button, hoping that I can press ‘play’ again. However, today I woke up with His joy and this song in my heart: I’m so blessed, I can’t contain it So much I gotta give it away Your love has taught me to live now You are more than enough for me! ~ One Day by Hillsong I am reminded that my Christian heritage has always set me on a path to one day be able to say “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8, ESV). While I feel like I am losing the life that I thought I had, I know in my head that that life was but an illusion. That life was never real; I was never in control; I was never promised an ‘average lifespan’. Even without cancer, I could always have been snuffed out by an oncoming car or some bizarre accident. The fact that I’m still here is only because I was held up by the grace of God. That grace continues to hold me today, and I continue to need that grace, cancer, or no cancer. Nothing has changed. I haven’t lost anything. Father I see that You are drawing A line in the sand And I wanna be standing on Your side Holding Your hand So let Your Kingdom come Let it live in me This is my prayer This is my plea ~ Let the Worshippers Arise by Philips, Craig & Dean