This Caffeinated Life

I’m An Addict

Yep, I’m tired too.

Oh, you didn’t actually ask if I was tired, did you?

I guess I just assumed that if you had a moment to sit down and open a book, (thanks for choosing this one by the way!), that you must have a few moments to finally take a break, after an exhausting day, tending to kids, the stress at work, or the endless list of other responsibilities. And you are riding the waves of exhaustion right along with me.

Now, most likely, if I have the time to open a book or magazine it’s because I have locked myself in the bathroom for a few moments of peace and quiet to myself, in a bath. Which is likely lukewarm and half of the bubbles have already dissipated when I am finally able to get in and relax.

Because, you see, after announcing I was heading to the bathtub, and the fam saw a book in my hand; each individual suddenly “needed” something urgent. And, because of my present state in life as a wife, mom, full time employee, writer; it’s usually only a few minutes into even the very best book, that I am nodding off. Which, as you can probably imagine, will only last a few moments anyways, because, per usual, the water will become too cold and I will prune up and risk hypothermia, or someone will come screaming through the door requiring mom, and only mom, to open another package of fruit snacks.

So, yeah I’m tired. It’s more of an overall general state of being these days. I’m sure you can understand quite thoroughly.

And it’s only 1:45 on a Friday afternoon. I’m contemplating a second cup of coffee already. I have to do school pickup in an hour, and if you are not early, you will not get the parking spots that your child can actually see you from. Who will be standing across from the long line of minivans and large SUV’s, with worry in his eyes that mom forgot to pick him up.

Even when I do get to school on time, I sit in my car waving frantically to my kids, begging for them to see me from where they stand, so I don’t have to get out and go retrieve them from their class lineup. What you see of me through my car window is a mom that looks put together with curled hair and a tunic sweater. But what you don’t see from outside my car, is that my hair hasn’t been washed today, I’m wearing sweatpants that don’t match my tunic sweater, and I have black socks on with teal sport sandals. An improvement from the slippers I was wearing before, because I thought my kids would be mortified if I left the house with my slippers on still. Now that I look down and see my ensemble, they are probably more mortified with my socks and sandals choice.

So, no, I don’t want to get out of my car in front of flawless Fran, Pinterest Polly, and Instagram Ivy. Who, with their perfectly applied lipgloss, and designer sunglasses, walk across the parking lot to chat politely with the teacher before picking up their children and walk them back to their rust-free vans with smudgeless windows. Smiling down at their child and admiring the latest piece of artwork. All the while I am yelling at my children to “hurry up and get in! Gosh, you guys need haircuts like NOW! You look homeless.” And off we go to the walk-in salon across the street for discount haircuts.

Today I’m craving another cup of coffee, because my delicious pumpkin cream cold brew this morning held me over until about 11:30 a.m. Just before the toddler tantrum over what I was serving for lunch. She asked for macaroni and cheese. Until it was served to her and all of the sudden she HATES mac and cheese.

Usually that second cup of caffeine is a late afternoon decision. And even on some nights, when I’m seven hours into my ten hour shift, I will pull out that small container of pink, caffeinated, powder and watch it fall into my water. I think about how sweet it will taste, and how its wonderful powers will carry me through to the end of my shift. It’s like unicorns, mermaids, and dragons; I see it, and it’s so beautiful. I just can’t stop thinking about how it will give me superpowers to accomplish everything on that to-do list with impressive speed and clarity. All of the other moms will wonder what my secret is!

The picture I see of the delicious caramel color latte as I walk through Target, is all I will think about until I have one in my hand and I’m sipping it’s frothy wonderfulness. It’s magic powers filling my veins. Giving me life.