The Way of the Warrior Saint

Introduction

“I can’t feel the left side of my face.”

Saying those words to myself at 3:47 a.m. on a Sunday morning was a little bit disconcerting. I awoke with a pounding headache, the likes of which I’ve never experienced. I’ve never had a migraine, but if this was what it was like, then I never wanted to have another one again. It was brutal.

I had to be at my church by 8:00 a.m. to prepare for that day’s services, and I was hopeful I could go back to sleep for a couple of hours beforehand. My headache grew worse, and rather than disturb my bride with more tossing and turning, I got out of bed to wander around the house for a bit. My wandering led me to open my laptop in the family room. Perhaps ESPN.com would have some early headlines before the NFL games kicked off for the day. But then something really strange happened. I noticed that I couldn’t see the left side of the screen. I could see the headlines section on the right side of the screen, but the entire left side of the screen was blurry. As the headache intensified, I realized that something wasn’t right. I’m a pretty healthy guy and take my physical well-being seriously so this was particularly scary. I tried rubbing my left eye hoping to bring some focus to the screen, yet when I did, I realized I couldn’t feel it. My face, I mean. I couldn’t feel my face. This was strange because I knew my face was there. I’d always had a left side of my face so it had to be there. But still, I couldn’t feel myself rubbing the left side of my face. At this point I knew something was totally wrong. So, I did what every super macho dude would do and went back to bed. I’d just “rub some dirt on it”, sleep it off and when I’d wake up everything would be better. Except it wasn’t. The headache got worse and the left side of my face went totally numb. Finally, I decided I had to act and drove myself to the emergency room.

It turns out I was experiencing a transient ischemic attack (TIA). More commonly known as a mini-stroke, a TIA happens when the blood supply to a part of the brain is blocked for a short period of time. Thankfully less damaging than an actual stroke, a TIA was nonetheless a wake-up call. It was a sign that God was giving me a second chance and I’d better not blow it. Things in my life absolutely had to change. And they had to change immediately. As a husband, a father of two young daughters and the pastor of a large and growing church community, I still had a lot to do, and I was determined to accomplish everything God had assigned me.

Something radical was needed to do this and couldn’t be a temporary change. I needed something permanent and serious. But I didn’t know exactly what to do. I didn’t know exactly where to look or who to ask to find my answer. Always a voracious reader, I turned toward to my most trusted source of learning: books. I read little books, big books, audio books, scientific books, theology books, psychology books, efficiency books, self-help books, funny books, boring books, classic books and e-books. I read absolutely everything I could get my hands on. It was the most intense period of study in my life, more so, even, than when I was earning my doctorate. I was determined to find that one easy fix that would change my life for the better. There absolutely had to be a magic pill that would help me effect a positive and lasting change in my life, and when I found it, I was going to swallow it. I had had a TIA and I wasn’t going back.

To my surprise, all of the reading and all of the study left me feeling a little underwhelmed. I had accomplished a lot, to be sure, and some of the material was indeed impressive. And though I would implement a lot of what I learned into my life, the hole still felt empty. I needed something more. I knew there would be a click inside my gut when I found it.

The emptiness I was feeling was born out of a mindset I had submitted to and is the prevailing mindset of our world today: life should be easy. We shouldn’t work harder, we just need to work smarter. We shouldn’t have to wake up early to run five miles, we just need to take some magic fat-burning pill to get ripped abs. I don’t have to sacrifice my desires to have a healthy relationship with my spouse. If it doesn’t go my way, I’ll just bail. Make sure that prenup is solid. It’s like we’re being told to find that one easy solution or program or formula that will lead you to success and all you have to do is follow it. If you find the right system with the right charts and the right acronyms, you will be free to focus on your passions so you can live a happier life. And isn’t a happier life what everyone wants?