A Widow Behind The Walls

Chapter 1

A Widow behind the Walls

And How I Got Here

The widow in this story is me and the loneliness I had to deal with. Friday May 4, 2018, started off like a routine Friday with Ben preparing to go to dialysis. He came into the kitchen and kept looking out of the kitchen window at the rain and said “it is a good day.” Then stated “I slept better last night than I have slept in months.” I thought, “Thank God things are getting better.” He ate his breakfast, taken his medication and begin to put his jacket on. He dropped the car keys on the table came to me as always hug me tight, kissed me and said I will see you after a while. I asked him if he wanted me to drive him to dialysis He said no and don’t you go out in the rain and if you do, please be careful. Ben would leave home a little early each day he went to dialysis. His treatment was to begin at 11: AM. And at 11:15am our land line phone ring, and it was Liberty dialysis. I knew something was wrong. It was his nurse. She said his kidney doctor wanted me to meet him at Charlton Hospital emergency room after he got off his dialysis machine at 2:40 pm. I told the nurse I would come to get his keys .Because he would talk them out of getting in the ambulance. I called a neighbor to drive me to the center 5 minutes away. When I arrived the nurse came out of treatment room and said they was giving him CPR. That he had passed out. By that time 911 emergency was entering the treatment room. 10 minutes later they asked what hospital to take him to. I told them Charlton Hospital.
When I arrived at the hospital, I was escorted to the waiting room by a Chaplin. She soon returned to take me into another private room where the doctor came in to say Ben had deceased. At that time my world crushed around me. It was hard to believe he would never be coming home to me again. How many times I left Charlton Hospital knowing I would return the next day to see him smile as I entered the room. He always required to have a hug daily and I loved the way he hugged me, he had a special tight squeeze even with the IV needle in his arm.

After leaving the hospital, when I arrived home family and neighbors came in to comfort and to see what they could do. I call the funeral home and arranged to meet with them on the following Monday 7th. To make the final arrangements for the funeral service. The service was held, Saturday, May 12, 2018, time 11: AM at our church New El Bethel Baptist church. The service was very good. The Dart transportation friends came and they had a special order of service for him. It was the Honor Guard Team. I was taken by surprise as I was escorted through the church house door. By a gentlemen that was to be my escort until the last rights was read and the family was dismissed from the grave.

There was other DART members inside the church, standing on each side of the aisles in salute to the family. There was two men standing down front. One at the head of the casket and another standing at the foot. Ben had worked for Dart for 32 years before retiring in 1995.

After the funeral I prepared to move from the resident where we had shared for 25 years. Within a short time. I got an apartment at the Franklin Park Senior Active Community. A short distant from where we lived. The Will was probated on June 27, 2018 and I moved into Franklin Park June 29, 2018. Only God could do this. And open such doors.

The Franklin Park apartment is beautiful and it did not take me long to mix with the other residents. But when night came I would feel so alone. I tried to read and that did not work. Only bible reading and prayers would get me through the night. It is so hard to be alone. Even God said,” It’s not good for the man to be alone” Genesis 2:18 NIV. I made it through the summer by staying busy going to the Walmart, Big Lot's and Lowes, not always buying things but just to be among people. However I still had to face the night. I tried listen to Christian music but nothing helped. All I could do was to lay in silent and pray. There was times when I wondered if God was listening and did He see my tears as they fell from my eyes and wet my face. Yet, I knew He did because He promised He would be my everything, and I was not alone.