Facing Reality

Preview of Chapter 11. Facing Perspective: As Things Are; Not As I See Them Just about everyone has heard the phrase, “Perspective is reality.” This alludes to the idea that your reality is based upon how you perceive it. My perspective of reality does not mean it’s real; it simply means it’s my perception of what's real. Although my perspective could be completely false, it will be how I interpret what’s real. Regardless if it’s all based on truth or a false perception, this will influence my every decision, how I treat others, what I believe, and how I live. Let’s take circumstances, for example. Circumstances are neither negative nor positive, they are simply a fact of life; your perspective of circumstances is the only negative or positive. A farmer views rain as a great circumstance but the couple having a picnic doesn’t see it the same way. Our perspectives of external circumstances are heavily influenced by our present perceptions. We create opinions for whether situations in life are good or bad based on how we are affected by them. The couple having their picnic is praying for God to stop the rain while sitting soaking wet in their car, and the farmer is rejoicing and thanking God for sending the rain to water his crops. The question is, is the rain a good or bad circumstance? The answer: neither. It’s our perception of the rain that decides which opinion we will have. Let me take this further: Say it doesn’t rain and the couple has a wonderful picnic together, falling deeper in love than ever before. However, because it didn’t rain the farmer’s crops all withered and died leaving him with no produce, therefore his family has no food for the winter and no revenue from all his hard work. Which circumstance would be worse? The farmer's crops dying or the couple's picnic being ruined? Reality… Neither. Our opinions of both will tell us which we perceive to be less fortunate, but ultimately circumstances are simply a fact of life and are neither negative nor positive. Even the worst of circumstances is not selective with its distribution. Are both of these outcomes terrible? In my opinion, absolutely! I have compassion for both, desiring the best for others and myself. I don’t want bad things happening to anyone nor do I lack compassion. The value of this concept is that it means you may be experiencing what can be perceived as the worst circumstance in your life and still have a positive perspective. That’s because your perspective is not determined by your circumstances, it's determined by your opinions. When you begin seeing this play out in your own life you’ll understand what Leonardo da Vinci meant when he said, “The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions”. Perception of Understanding: It’s extremely valuable to truly understand what someone is saying when speaking with them. However, sometimes understanding what they are saying may not be enough. More often than not what they truly care about is perceiving that we understand. Let me explain: You may not understand what they said. However, if you put on a good impression and they are convinced you do understand, that is usually what satisfies people. Have you ever just nodded your head and said mumblings to someone while they explained something you either didn’t hear or didn’t understand? You gave them the impression of understanding without actually understanding a thing. Yet, they still felt heard, didn’t they? Likewise, even if you do understand but they don’t perceive that you do, then it still may not appease them. That’s because although you understand, from their perspective you don’t. I’m reminded of the time when one of my Master Sergeants kept yelling at me for supposedly “walking too slow” on the job, not realizing I was walking at an average pace of 8 miles an hour, which was 2-3 miles an hour faster than the average person's walking speed. Why did he think I was walking slower than everyone else when in actuality I was walking faster? It’s because of his perception of the way I walked. I was trained how to walk fast by my supervisor Sgt McKague, who was a professional runner and the fastest walker we had in our shop. He taught me not to increase my number-of-steps, but instead increase my stride-per-step. This increases your walking speed significantly while still conserving much of your energy. The only thing about walking in this way, is that it doesn’t look like you are actually moving any faster than a normal walk. The Master Sergeant continued yelling and accusing me of not walking fast and even though I was increasing my speed significantly more each time. He rallied the whole shop together and publicly berated me and claimed he would punish me if he saw me walking slow again. I was completely shocked and confused because I was outpacing everyone out there. It was at this moment I realized, this was not a speed problem, it was a perception problem. So I decided that instead of increasing my stride and actually walking faster, I would shorten my stride by half a step. This caused me to take twice as many steps per distance traveled, and decreased my speed significantly. However, it gave the appearance that I was walking much faster, although I wasn’t. Ironically enough, the Master Sergeant came driving by cheering me on and said, “That’s what I’m talking about, Randall, now you're walking fast!” I just waved and smiled. He didn’t get the result he asked from me; instead, he got the result he truly wanted: the perception of me walking faster. He was happy with me and I stayed out of trouble as long as I continued appeasing his perspective. Leaders often get too attached to their people appearing to do what they asked of them rather than actually doing what produces results. My Master Sergeant was appeased not by getting what he asked of me (walking faster). He was appeased by getting what he wanted from me (the appearance of me walking faster). This often happens with managers and their employees. When the employee doesn't understand a task and tries to get clarity from their manager, they more-often-than-not get in trouble for not understanding immediately. The employees then develop a habit of just telling the manager what they want to hear in order to keep themselves out of trouble. This is where terms like, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission” or “Doing just enough to shut them up” come from. Eventually, this type of behavior becomes normal. Do you feel people often give you the appearance of what you’re wanting to see? Let’s answer a few questions about your leadership and see what that likelihood is: - Do you have a, “It’s my way or the highway” attitude? - Do you cut people off while they’re talking? - Do you feel like people are always giving you excuses? - Do you get disappointed in others often? - Do you believe people are constantly lying to you? - Do you try catching people doing something you disapprove of? - Do you think people are trying to cover up their mistakes? - Do you excessively monitor or micromanage others? - Do you use threats of punishment often? - Do you burn with a hot temper or a short fuse?