Our Only Hope
Living a Life of Freedom
by
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Because of the migraines, I spent a lot of time in bed or playing quietly in my room. I was a very lonely child who just wanted someone to be tender toward me and to love on me. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. But I got none of that at my house as a child. I was six weeks old when Mom went back to work full-time and I started going to daycare. My daycare provider (one of the six caregivers in my dream) has told me how I would lay in the crib and cry all day long. And as a toddler, I would go sit in a corner and cry all day. She nor any of the other children were able to console me. It was only when Mom showed up at the end of the day that I would stop crying. My theory is that I was yearning for the affection and love of my mom. I now look back on photos of me as a baby and in all of them I am alone. There is not one photo showing either parent holding me, playing with me, or caring for me. I remember one time when Mom was looking for something in her cedar chest and came across my baby book. It was still in the box and there was nothing in it. Nothing written down, no photos, no lock of hair. It was as if I had never been born. Just like the lack of a reflection in the mirror of my dream, it was as if I didn’t exist. I still have that baby book and it is still empty...
After Jessie died, Mom had gone back to dating and was asked by her current boyfriend to go with him to Texas for several weeks. Not a bad offer when you live in Michigan and it is February! He had a sister there who worked on a ranch. She was going to let them stay with her and help out on the ranch. Sounded like a lot of fun, right?
Janet went on to tell me that she was the boyfriend’s sister, but she wanted my mom out of her house immediately. She was not welcome to stay there any longer. Janet suspected my mom was stealing from her. Mom had been very mean to Janet, and she had had enough. Would I buy a plane ticket for her to fly home? I politely said, “Yep. That is my mom. But no, I will not buy her a plane ticket. She can figure it out herself. Mom has a credit card and she knows how to use it. She has also made plenty of plane reservations in her day. I’m so sorry this has happened. I suggest that you tell her to pack her things and then drop her off at the airport. She’ll figure out a way to get home.” Janet was surprised (apparently Luke had refused to buy a ticket also) and told me, “You and your brother seem like the nicest people. I’m sorry you have such a rotten mom.”
As you can imagine I was on fire when I left the church that night. I got home and told James all about the phone call. I was so done with her! And it was time for me to take control of my life and cut her out. I sat down and penned a letter. I probably even cursed a bit too. My letter was short and concise. I didn’t want her to have any doubt about my decision. Here is the final product:
February 15, 2011
Mom,
Today I received a phone call from Janet in Rabbit River, Texas. That settled it for me - once and for all. I no longer have any doubts about what to do. You may have given birth to me, but you are no longer my “mom.”
Luke and I have tried to help you through talking, counseling, etc. and you still do not understand. There is nothing else I can do to get you to understand. You have used me for the past 40+ years to be your scapegoat and gopher and I refuse to do it anymore. I will no longer allow you to use me or hurt me. I am not five years old and will not do what you tell me to do anymore.
What I can do at this point is protect myself. I am stepping out of your life for my own emotional and mental health. I will no longer allow you to consume so much of my time, thoughts and energy. You will no longer be able to control or manipulate me. I ask that you do not call or email. If you do, I will not respond. You are also no longer welcome in our home. I am done playing your games and will no longer allow you to be a part of my life. Do not ask me or my husband for anything in the future. We will not respond.
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About the Book
For those trying to weather through the storms of life, Grace Rockwell offers encouragement by sharing her own experiences and what she has learned from them. Growing up with chronic pain and in a negative environment, where she was often rejected and alone, Grace learned to put her trust in the Lord. No matter what storms she faced, or how much pain she endured, Grace always came back to the Lord for help.
Grace’s experiences will encourage you as you face your own storms in life. She reassures the reader that we can trust that God is always with us; He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. Our Only Hope will take you along Grace’s journey to find that the redemptive power of God is our only hope, and it can become an anchor for our souls.
Grace’s passions include not only spreading the good news of Jesus Christ, but also advocating for those suffering from chronic pain, domestic abuse, and/or mental illness.
Today Grace lives with her husband in a small farming community in West Michigan, not far from where she grew up. She and her husband have four grown children and nine grandchildren.
About the Author
For those trying to weather through the storms of life, Grace Rockwell offers encouragement by sharing her own experiences and what she has learned from them. Growing up with chronic pain and in a negative environment, where she was often rejected and alone, Grace learned to put her trust in the Lord. No matter what storms she faced, or how much pain she endured, Grace always came back to the Lord for help.
Grace’s experiences will encourage you as you face your own storms in life. She reassures the reader that we can trust that God is always with us; He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. Our Only Hope will take you along Grace’s journey to find that the redemptive power of God is our only hope and it can become an anchor for our souls.
Grace’s passions include not only spreading the good news of Jesus Christ, but also advocating for those suffering from chronic pain, domestic abuse and/or mental illness.