The Prodigal Father

“Where are you headed from here, Tom?” He turned to see Debbie drying her hands from washing a few bowls that had been used at the food table.
“I suppose home is as good a place as any.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked towards the stairs that led to the front door. They seemed dark and far away to him.
“You know there’s a trail behind the church that goes along the river. Sometimes I like to walk there after potlucks to help with digestion.” Debbie finished drying her hands and hung the towel on the fridge. “How about a walk to help with digestion?”
“I didn’t really eat much, Deb.”
“It’s not always food we need to digest.” Debbie started walking towards the stairs to the back. Tom felt the obligation to follow and went after her.
The air had begun to cool and as Tom descended down the trail behind Debbie he felt a shift in the wind. They hadn’t said a word since they started walking. Tom didn’t feel like Debbie needed or wanted him to talk. Debbie stopped near the water and he found himself standing next to her. Tom listened to the wind slowly whisper through the trees. He could hear the river, gently flowing over large rocks here and there. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the cooling air. He opened them and looked at Debbie. She was looking at the water, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Tom felt an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time. Content. He was suddenly okay. He was alright in that exact moment. He didn’t need to speak, didn’t need to pretend. He knew Debbie understood he was hurting. She wasn’t expecting him to pretend to be okay. He could have fallen to his knees and sobbed like he had never sobbed before and he knew Debbie would understand.
“You know I have to be honest, I feel okay, right here, right now. I feel like I took a step away just for a moment. I know that when I walk away from this river all the problems will still be there. But right now, in this second, I feel like it’s okay for me not to be okay. I know that doesn’t make much sense.” Tom cocked his head to the side as he said it, confusing himself with his own words. Debbie looked at Tom.
“I understand. When Will died I had so many questions with no answers. I don’t understand everything you’re going through Tom and I won’t pretend that I do, but there were times after Will’s death that I found myself at a peace I can’t explain. Almost like I was being given a supernatural break from the weight that was threatening to drag me into the ground alongside Will. It wasn’t until long after I had healed that I realized what it was.”
Tom looked at Debbie for an answer. She looked back out at the water. He saw her close her eyes and take a deep breath. She held it in for a moment and Tom knew she was listening to the sounds around them. “It took me a while to hear it over the noise and it took me even longer to find out what it was but if you listen you can hear it.” Debbie let her breath out and opened her eyes. Tom looked away from her and back out to the water. He closed his eyes. He brought in air to his lungs and let it out slowly. He heard the running water again but this time it seemed to be caressing the rocks as it rolled over them, smoothing them out and removing any sharp edges. He could hear the wind speaking to the trees, telling stories that seemed to escalate up and down in rhythmic tones through the branches. He could hear the leaves brushing through the wind as if stroking its tones to make them even more level. A song bird chimed in the distance and Tom could even hear the trees speak as they creaked and groaned, adding their pitch so the wind could carry out its symphony.
“I hear it, but I don’t know what it is. I know that this moment, whatever it is, won’t last forever. I know that pain waits for me when I leave this moment. I know that right now it can’t get to me.” Tom opened his eyes with one final deep breath. “What did you end up naming it?”
Deb looked at Tom. “I didn’t name it. It already had a name. I just found out later what it was.” Deb looked back at the water.
“Grace. That’s all it is. It’s God’s reminder that even now, when nothing makes sense and everything hurts, he’s still speaking to us if we listen.”
“It won’t last long, will it?”
“No, but its impact will last as long as you let it.” Deb smiled a secret smile, like she knew something Tom didn’t yet. “It’s still a bit early, Tom, how about a cup of coffee. My treat.”
Tom felt the moment fade and pain started to creep back into his body, finding all the open spaces and grafting itself to his bones. He wasn’t quite ready to be alone yet.
“I’d like that, Deb.” He said. Debbie started back up the trail towards the church. Tom stayed for just a moment longer, hoping that Grace would find him again but the moment had gone. He turned from the river and started up through the trees to catch up with Debbie.