YOU AND ME

Chapter 2
True Friendship

When you can take off your shoes and prop your feet on a stool in a friend's home without your friend having a hissy fit, you are probably in the company of a special person in your life. When you aren't in the mood to be having a conversation and your friend is not offended or upset, you are more than likely in the presence of a special individual. A close friend can be as quiet as in the dead of night, or as loud as clowns in a circus. A friend feels comfortable without any attachments of tension or chaos. The relaxation is a dominant feeling between friends who are in a close relationship.
One of the most valuable relationships that we can have during our lifetime is our friendship with another individual. It is priceless, never to be confused with an acquaintance. This book describes what a genuine friend is and what attributes make up such a relationship. You will be able to distinguish the difference between a friend versus an acquaintance.
Valid friendships are as important as drinking water for a thirsty individual. Friendships offer us unconditional acceptance, emotional support, and mental uplifting challenges. All of these are important and what we need from day-to-day to keep us alert, sharp, and empathetic towards others. We all experience disheartening situations at times in our lives from our chaotic and stressful society. Thus, having genuine friends can enable us to see the sunshine behind the murky clouds of despair, hopelessness, and depression. Because each of us has such days, our relationship with the friends we have can deliver us to a mentally and emotionally safe spot of comfort and of peace. Thank goodness for his or her presence in our arena. Our arena can become quite desolate and lonely if we have isolated ourselves away from the loving-kindness and genuine love of a friend. Only having acquaintances in our arena just doesn't cut it.
Because friendships are based on our human needs, there will be misunderstandings at times. However, if the friendship is real and valid, we will figure out what happened, apologize if we were in the wrong, and re-establish the relationship—and keep moving forward, hand-in-hand with our friend. The key element is to figure out what caused the misunderstanding and attempt to “fix it” as soon as possible. All friendships can be repaired if the individuals want to restore them.
The relationship that may not have a chance is the one in which one of the friends attempts to control the other. It's called the “suffocation factor” by which one tries to be dominant over the other. Friendships cannot flourish when manipulation is a part of the relationship. Wanting to do such is selfish and destructive. Mentally and emotionally healthy individuals are neither controllers nor victims in the relationship.
In wonderful functioning friendships, there is no responsibility on anyone's part to try changing the other. That is a big NO-NO. It is not to be a part of the relationship. However, if one asks for some guidance from the other, be very, very careful. You and I are skating on thin ice. Making suggestions may be somewhat tolerable, but must be carefully done—very carefully. Attempting to alter the core personality of a friend raises a fat red flag. Much too risky.
The real test of a genuine friendship is if you can make an emergency call freely to your friend at 1:00AM or even later. (Did I just hear a gasp?) It is a true evaluation of the caliber of an honest-to-goodness friendship. I wouldn't recommend such being done on a regular basis. However, there are times when our world seems to be falling apart during the night, and our need to talk or to make a visit becomes overwhelming. If your friend is Johnny-on-the-spot at that time with you, then be certain to nurture that relationship because it is as precious as a valuable gem.
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True friendship comes when the silence
between two people is comfortable.
---David Tyson