Everyone Is Redeemable

. On December 28, 2002, the darkness that had been devouring my life and soul overcame me. I remember how dark the nights had become, and even the once-full moon had been reduced to a sliver of its brilliance. It was on this dark night that I decided to end my life. I decided to park my car on the railroad tracks. I didn’t want to survive accidentally. I remember sitting there in the darkness, drinking a bottle of whiskey and doing crack. I knew I was afraid of living, but I was also scared of dying. I was a coward, unable to face the decision to end my life without being drunk and doped up. I sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. The strange thing is, it would have been easy to pray and ask for the train to hurry up and hit me, but for some reason, it was hard to ask God to forgive me and heal me. But God was watching out for me that day. I came to realize, as I silently watched the sunrise in the early dawn, that darkness cannot overcome darkness. If I was to win this fight against the eternal night that had haunted me for so long, I needed to do something different. I needed to bring light to my soul. To do that, I had to be the change. How was it that a train you could set your watch by never came that night? To this day, the only explanation I can come up with is God. He must have been sitting there in the car with me that night. Since I was unable to end my life, I decided I needed to change it. I decided to go back to my mama and daddy’s house. I was done with the drinking and the drugs. I was done with hurting my daddy and mama. I no longer wanted to hurt them by living as an addict. I told my parents that I was an addict, that I couldn’t stop using, and that I needed help. My parents brought me to Amarillo to the Downtown Women’s Center Haven House, and I finally got help. Being willing to sit down, shut up, and listen was very hard for me. Learning I was ADD and bipolar and that I had hepatitis C got my attention. I was there for five months and then moved to the Downtown Women’s Center Abba House. I was so grateful that DWC accepted me because I believe I wouldn’t have made it if they hadn’t. I am proud to say that I have been clean and sober since December 31, 2002. Without my parents and DWC, there is no doubt that I would not be here. I always knew there was a God. I didn’t know how much He loved me. Downtown Women’s Center taught me the tools I needed to stay clean and sober. I learned to take one day at a time and sometimes one hour or one minute at a time. I learned that my family history of alcoholism was a contributing factor in my struggle. I worked hard and learned to pray and to lean on Jesus. I work hard to this day and am so proud of myself and grateful to be alive. Thank you to Downtown Women’s Center and to my sponsor. Glory be to God! I am a success.