The Exceptional Wife

Helper Needed

It is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper suitable for him.

—Genesis 2:18 (NIV)

If you were asked to describe your relationship to your husband in one word, what would you say? After asking my sisters that question, one answered without hesitation, “I am his friend— his very best friend.” The other sister smiled and said, “I am his lover.” Both responses are beautiful. However, what impresses me is the one word God first used to describe a wife’s relationship to her husband. She is to be his helper.

Of every word in the omniscient mind of almighty God, “helper” is the word He chose to describe the primary role of a wife. Would you or I have thought it? Or wanted it? Probably not because our natural mind thinks the role of a helper is inferior. But we are so wrong. He—the Lord Himself—is a helper.

Yes, God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all referred to in the Bible as our helpers. Some of the ways a biblical helper can be defined are: an “aid,” “assistant,” “one who surrounds,” “advocate,” “comforter,” “consoler,” and “one who comes alongside.” It is a magnificent role! It depicts the very nature of God.

A Profound Verse

In reading Genesis 2, we see that after God formed Adam, He placed him in a garden, gave him an assignment, and then made a statement that needs to be engraved on the heart of every wife: “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18 NIV). What a profound declaration! Consider its uniqueness.

Who was there to hear those words except Adam? And God’s words were not just addressed to Adam. It is as if God is thinking aloud and we get to listen as He prepares to create the first woman and initiate the first marriage. What an eye-opening privilege!

There are two parts of this revelation. May you and I never, ever separate them. The first part reveals a problem—a lonely man in need of companionship. The second part reveals God’s remedy—the provision of a wife who will come alongside him as a helper. Sadly, the significance of this revelation often eludes us. Sometimes we simply don’t see our husbands in need of our companionship or help. Nor do we see ourselves—or perhaps even want to see ourselves—as helpers. But regardless of how it seems, God created our husbands to need us.

Picture this: before woman was created, God brought to Adam the animals and birds He had created, and Adam named each one. But then God said something that always evokes a twinge of sadness in me: “But for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:20b NIV). Surrounded by the beautiful garden and a host of animals and birds, Adam was still lonely.

Although God had seen that everything was good after each day of creation, for the first time He said something was not good. What was not good? The man did not have his helper— someone who would be there for him. The man was in need. A woman, with all her gifts, strengths, sensitivities, and nurturing qualities, was the answer.

So God created a woman from the flesh and bones of the man. Adam gave her the name “woman,” and God referred to her as Adam’s wife. Clearly God chose to form man in need of a wife who would come alongside him in life as his helper. For me, this truth colors everything about my relationship to my husband. Even if it might seem otherwise, I know my husband needs me. And even if it might seem otherwise to you, your husband needs you too. And that is good.

Being Alone

Knowing that God said it is not good for the man to be alone, I asked my husband what it means to him not to be alone. He said simply, “Just to know you are on my side.” What powerful words! It brings to mind something Jesus said: “He who is not with Me is against Me” (Matthew 12:30).

Your husband’s response to the same question might be different, but I believe what my husband said is universally true. Unless we are on our husbands’ side, they likely will feel lonely and distant from the one person they hoped would be their closest friend in life. How sad for a married man to feel alone. Unfortunately many wives also know the sorrow of loneliness.

As I began teaching this material, I asked my husband if he had ever felt alone during our marriage. After a while, he recalled an incident that occurred early in our marriage. We were driving down a mountain road a bit faster than usual when our young children in the back seat giggled and said, “Are you in a hurry or something, Dad?”

Instead of letting my husband respond, I quickly jumped in and agreed with the children. My husband said that at the time of the incident, he felt pretty much alone—three to one against him. By the way, the reason he was driving faster than usual (on the way to church of all things) was because I was running late. So it was not a good morning. Furthermore, siding publicly with children against their dad is not a good thing—morning, noon, or night.

A friend describes being on her husband’s side as being on the same team with him. That way, when she thinks he is wrong, she still relates to him as a teammate, not an opponent. She remains his faithful companion even through disagreements.

Do we think of ourselves as being on the same team as our husbands? Marriage is not a competition calling for a winner. It is a union. Do we talk about my house and my children or about our house and our children?